In The Last Sunset: A confession, not a story

CHAPTER 5: Guilt

When I arrived home, all I knew is that they are up to something and something is not good. I feel queasy, I feel like I am going to vomit, there is a lot going on and I don't know how to take them all at once so I lock myself into my room and puke everything I ate into the trash can.

I never trust that girl. I always knew she's up to no good. When Rei and Krista came together, I didn't believe it. I told Rei na baka ginagamit lang sya ni Krista, that Krista were no good to her but did she listen? No, jinowa nya yung babae na yun and then what Krista is with Alvin right now. How pathetic? Matapos sya sa bestfriend ko sa ex ko naman.

"Ate Gale, anong nangyayari dyan? okay ka lang?" I heard Gigi's voice and constant knocking at the door but I cannot bring myself to open it. Not when everything is making so much sense right now and not when my stomach is rebelling against me.

"Gale, please maniwala sa kin"

"Maniwala na ano? Na mamagagawa sa'kin yun ni Alvin. Rei if this is some ploy to make me hate Alvin and leave him for you. Hindi mo ko mauuto!"

"Gale, hindi ako nagsisinungaling. Please, maniwala ka sakin"

"No, hindi to kayang gawin sakin ni Al. If you think this will gain you a place in my heart, Rei. If this is you, being this desperate. I don't think I can be friends with you anymore"

I left her that night, begging for me to believe her, to take her side and I didn't.

I didn't.

She asked for my help. Hindi ko s'ya tinulungan, pinli ko maging bulag, for a man who didnt even care for me.

When no one believed her, she took her life and then people started believing her when she was gone. They started shouting justice for her, they started fighting for her, all those people who didn't care, who didn't believe her when she's asking for help started believing her but it was all in vain and worst, me, her best friend, didn't even believe her for one bit.

Is justice any good when the victim is already gone?

I just sat there crying, puking my guts into a trash can and blaming myself until the door opened and Gigi entered the door. "Ate okay ka lang?" she asked and when I didn't answer, she remained silent as she helped me get myself to bed as if she knew the answer already.

I wept and wept until tiredness and sleep got the better of me. When I woke up I was covered with a blanket at may bimpo sa ulo ko. I remember that may pupuntahan pa ko dito, here's a place I haven't visited yet that badly needed to see. I want to know whether it has changed or it is still the same. I want to see it before they announce Rei's supposed death tomorrow at mass. Babangon na sana ako when I heard a stern voice enter the room.

"Hep hep hep saan ka pupunta?!" Tita Lyn entered the room with a warm cup of broth in her hand, she gave me a look of stern disapproval. She put the broth on the table and sat beside me. I stared at her, her eyes looking swollen, as if she's been crying all night, I can't blame her. Kung ako rin nasa posisyon nya, stuck with a man who is close minded as hell, iiyak din ako. My tito is like a boy who has been stuck in the body of a man. He never grew out of it. "May sakit ka pa aalis ka na agad. kakauwi mo lang hindi ka napirmi?!" she said, concern evident in her voice.

"May pupuntahan lang ako mamaya tita" paliwanag ko habang pahirapang ibangon ang sarili ko sa kama. My head throbs as I prop myself up."Hindi ka nga matayo ng sarili mo, gagala ka pa. hindi ba pwedeng ipag-bukas yan" she said, she handed me the soup. My tita is always caring, motherly but this also means she worries a lot.

"Alam mo Abigale alam kong mahirap sayo kaya nga hinayaan kita ehhh kasi alam kong lahat ng ito ay hindi madali. Ang akin lang naman bilang tita mo at tumatayo mong magulang ay alagaan mo ang sarili mo"

"Inaalagaan ko naman po ang sarili ko tit, arami lang po talaga akong nasikaso ngayon"

"Alam ko, nag-aalala lang ako sayo" she said an gently pat my back. I ate my soup in silence while she eyed me, ensuring that I ate everything in the bowl and when I'm finished agad din s'yang nagpaalam."oh sya, inumin mo na yung gamot mo, may aayusin lang ako sa kusina."
...

I found myself in front of a large, empty house. It looks like it hasn't been kept for seven years. Mukhang walang naglakas loob na tumira ito after Rei's death. Rei's house is made of wood, it was more like spanish cabin than the house, back then their house looks sophisticated as if it houses one of the riches family here in San Vicencio which is quite true, the De los Santos is rich but their wealth didn't grant them a happy life. Right now, their house looks weathered with age, it looks more like a haunted mansion filled with ghosts than a home. Sabagay with the history of this house, how it shelters one of the defining tragedies of our time, hindi na rin ako nagtataka.

Kinuha ko ang dalawang jar ng scented candle sa bag ko and I put it in their footsteps. I chose lavender because Rei always liked the scent of lavender. I don't know why she liked it . Lavender is too strong and too sweet all at once but she liked it. I can't help but to remember her obsession with the scent, mula sa fabric conditioner, shampoo and even her perfume smell of lavender.

When I lit the candle and the sweet aroma of the candle cradled my scent , all I could think was her. There is something powerful about scent, they can make you believe that something is really there when it is not. as I sat there watching the fire dance in the wind, it kinda gave me a sense of peace. A sense of peace that I haven't felt for a very long time.

As I sat here, I imagined her and what she would have looked like if she's still alive. I think in parallel life, in the same timeframe, she is already in law school, reading case after case, memorizing the revised penal code, defending her people and living her dream. I stayed with that reverie for awhile kahit alam kong hindi totoo. Rei will make a good lawyer, lagi siyang palaban, alam nya sa sarili nya ang tama at mali. I always trust her judgment.

I read something back then, na dati raw the word "heros" doesn't mean savior but rather it pertains to someone who died before they reached their prime and peak and that's what Rei is. A tragedy. A kid full of potential, someone whose life and future awaits in front of her and yet it was a mishap that greeted her.

She's not even eighteen when she fled the world.

My thoughts were interrupted as an abrupt, banging noise echoed throughout Rei's home. It sounds like something has crashed, shattered or destroyed. I am standing alone on the doorstep of an abandoned house and I felt fear clawing its way down into my heart. Then there's another noise and another. It sounds as if the plates and glass have shattered on their own. I feel my hair in my elbow and in the back of my neck stand as the ringing of broken glass fills my ear.

Two thoughts came into my mind: I should run, this house is haunted and the other one, that I should find out what's happening. Shadows is Rei's version of ghost. It was a manifestation of what's haunting her. Then suddenly I remember Rei's story, her voice low and serious as she told me the stories of shadows. She told me once that at night shadows will break the plates and cups and mugs so she wouldn't sleep.

I didn't believe her.

I just thought she was losing her mind but as I stood here, listening to noise, I realized that I should have believed her the first time.

I know I should have run away, get into my car and drove back to the comfort of my own home and rest. But instead something urges me to open the door and get to the bottom of this and when I was inside, what I found shooked me.