❛ 𝙒𝙄𝙇𝘿𝙁𝙇𝙊𝙒𝙀𝙍 ❜ oneshots

8 - before you

"before you, i wasn't really sure what i wanted in life.

before you, all i knew was work, sleep, eat and repeat. i never really saw myself doing anything much other than that. but then i met you, and suddenly i knew i had to change my ways.

i became more responsible, more accountable. i became calmer.

i used to be so angry and i used to get so aggressive for no reason. i used to lash out, and i used to not care about how that made people feel. it got to the point that i couldn't even have a conversation with someone without focusing on one tiny thing they said wrong, and i had to let them know they were wrong. i always wanted to be right, because i never got told that i was. i thought i had to fight to prove that.

you taught me i don't have to fight at all. you taught me it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to ask for help. you taught me that sometimes i have to teach myself, and not everything will be given to me. and that's okay. because that's how we grow as people, that's how i grew as a person. it's how you showed me how to grow.

i started to make sure i think about my words before i say them. i started to make sure i always made amends before the day ends. and to always make sure people knew that i was never really angry with them, just frustrated that they hadn't said what i imagined them to in my head.

you taught me that life isn't a fairytale and life isn't as simple as what you want it to be. you have to work to get to where you want, and you can't depend on anyone, but yourself, to get you there. i became so used to depending on people i stopped thinking for myself.

but then you came along.

and you were, and still are, the perfect blend of supportive yet judgemental. and you always did both with so much love, which confused me. i never knew what it felt like to be lovingly judged. i never even knew such a thing existed, before you, but you'd tell me that i needed to pick myself up in such a sweet way that i truly believed you and knew that it was only something i could do for myself.

and so i did. i picked myself up, and i kept going. and you were there every step of the way.

you hate to see me anxious, and you hate to see me sad. i've started to hate seeing myself that way, too. before you, i would always find something from my past to explain why i deserve to feel that way. i deserve to feel upset because i snapped at that one customer at work, for no reason. i deserve to cry because my baby sister cried after i said no to spend time with her.

you helped me stop feeling that way.

before you, i thought i was naviagting this world on my own. but now i have you by my side, and i cannot put into words how happy it makes me to know you're going to agree to be there for the rest of time.

i'm rambling, now, i'm sorry.

what i'm trying to say is before you, i didn't really know myself. you showed me what i'm capable of and i hope i get to repay the favour."

there is silence. neither of us speak, and then i hear a sniffle.

"well, would you look at that. in the twelve years we've known each other, you finally managed to make me cry."

i laugh. at least, i think the sound i made was a happy one. i don't think i could ever possibly make another upsetting sound until the day i die.

"i can't wait to marry you. y/n."

"i can't wait to marry you."

-

n e ways if u can't tell i'm slightly emosh n in my loving my bf era rn

will change the layout when its not 2am and six hours before a shift