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Friday, September 20, 2023, I met my now boyfriend almost a year ago, met him on December 2nd, 2023. For four months I had a “crush” on him, on April 2nd about five months of being friends. All I wanted to do for the four months I had liked him, was hug him, and kiss him! I felt so guilty and nervous that I would lose yet another friend, but yet I didn't.. He ended up liking me back! For the past six-ish months we had been dating in secret. He lives in NY, while I live in South Carolina. About a five through eleven hour car ride apart. He's public schooled while I'm home schooled, so every day I'm being tortured waiting for his school to end.
I'm pretty sure how I knew I liked him, was the fact that I would either smile at his texts or be super impaction on waiting for a reply. He would, and still does help me when I'm feeling suicidal or just sad. The first time I told him about my suicidal thoughts was an accident, it had slipped my mind. It was probably late December when I told him, like any normal person he would tell me to go tell my parents saying that they could help me more than he could, but they didn't know yet and they wouldn't know until late June of 2024.
Our relationship did move quite fast, he got into talking dirty with me. I was and are okay with it but at the time all I could do was respond with this “-/////-” and I added more slashes to it as he got dirtier and dirtier. I loved it when he would talk to me like that, we don't do it as often cause he doesn't want that to be the only thing we ever talk about, it did make my late nights more fun tho
While I was experiencing the effect of my first love crush all I could do was hate myself.. I was so sure he'd want to leave me, that he'd never like me like that. So I did what a mentally unstable, stuffed animal hoarder, artist person would do 👍🏼. I named a stuffed animal after him, cuddled it and kissed it, made an OC based off of me named ✨Markie✨ and one based off him about a month or two later named ✨Brian✨, he knew nothing about either of them for a while. then I got into gacha tubing and other random shiet and sent him the videos of he wanted to see them, which he always asked to see them 🙃
End of diary chapter num:1
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diary entries
RandomI will write in this everytime I feel the need of this will be ongoing untill I no longer feel like it needs to be filled to the brim with how I feel some stuff will never make it onto here but I wanna see who else feels like me the first part is ab...
