Nothing has gone good.. I'm feeling sad, depressed, and unloved.. I can't get it out of my head that no one will ever love me, that I'm useless, that I'll never be good enough, like I'm gonna get thrown away like a banana peel if I even open up to my second closest friend.. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me.. But it never gets deep enough to feel like it.. From anyone..
My brother randomly hits me.. Which makes me jump every time a hand is raised I would flinch, no one has noticed it yet. . He would also tell me I was too emotional or a "cry baby".. Which made me hide all my emotions.. I don't even know how to make my own joy anymore.. It's all been locked away and replaced with sadness or anger.. I can't control myself any more.. It never works..
I've tried therapy but they instantly quit trying to help and just didn't even call me into my first actual appointment. So one try to get better is gone.. The only way I find peace within myself is drawing, watching something or talking to a non real person.. And my bf ofc.. But.. I feel like I'm about to lose him too.. Something just isn't right.. Maybe it's just a feeling since I can't ever keep any friend in my life so I feel like he'll leave me too.. Like get enough one day and just leave.. That's be the last straw for me.. I don't know what I'd do..
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diary entries
NezařaditelnéI will write in this everytime I feel the need of this will be ongoing untill I no longer feel like it needs to be filled to the brim with how I feel some stuff will never make it onto here but I wanna see who else feels like me the first part is ab...
