Virginity or virtue. What Really Defines Her?

05. Shyness and laughter

After the intense and somewhat awkward moment with the stains, we found comfort in each other's presence. He dropped me off, and I decided to catch up with a friend at a shopping mall.  She and I had a great time together, browsing through stores and talking about everything. But when we finally sat down to eat, I realised something strange—I couldn't even open my mouth for a burger. It was irritating; my stomach growled with hunger, but my mood wouldn't let me enjoy the food.

After some more chit-chat, I headed back home, eager to wash off the day's events in a hot shower. I was just beginning to relax when my phone buzzed with a notification.

It was him.

"Hey, had fun today?"he texted.

"Yeah, it was really fun,”I replied, a smile playing on my lips.

"How’s the pain now?" he asked, his concern making me feel a warm glow inside.

"Better,"I typed back.

It was moments like these that kept me drawn to him—not just the physical connection, but the way he genuinely cared about how I felt. I'd been with people before who didn't bother about  my inner feelings, but he was different. His attention, even after our encounters, added a layer of emotional texture to our physical relationship—a texture that held just enough sentiment to make me feel cared for, but not overwhelmed.

As days passed, life caught up with us. Office work and personal responsibilities suddenly piled up, and though I tried to keep in touch, he seemed more distant. My mind started spinning with doubt. "What's happening?” I asked myself, wondering if he was like every other man I'd known—interested only until they got what they wanted, and then gone.

But he was different, or so he assured me."Look, I'm busy with some stuff,"he explained when I finally reached out to him."It has nothing to do with you. And trust me, I'm here to tease you back anytime I get free."

His words calmed the storm inside me. We continued our playful exchanges, talking about music, movies, and teasing each other whenever we could. Once, I even told him,"You know what I think? When it happens once, it increases the urge to do it more and more. So you’ve got to keep sleeping with me—only me—as long as we both enjoy it."

The next morning, my phone buzzed with a snap from him—shirtless, showing off his abs and biceps."See, that's what you're missing right now," he teased.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't tempt me, okay? If I come over, I'll eat you whole," I warned, half-joking, half-serious.

One morning, after a particularly flirtatious exchange, I texted him, “you know what, you’ve become my favourite meal now. I want to have you for breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

He replied with a wink emoji, “Aahaaaa, then your meal is calling you over and ready to be eaten.”

I couldn’t resist playing along. “I have become an eagle now. The urge to give you bites and leave marks is so real, be prepared for that.”

The conversation deepened, our desires and urges becoming the central theme. This time, we decided to meet at my friend’s hotel, a place I knew well. My friend, the hotel owner, kept teasing me, asking about this mysterious guy and what I was up to.

It's the first time we met in the evening after 7. The feeling of being wrapped in a blanket with him was gorgeous. I wore a white top and blue jeans, my top loose enough for him to easily explore my back and shoulders. The night was filled with shyness, laughter and an undeniable connection that was only growing stronger.

That day took me back to the first time we ever entered a room together, where I sat on his lap, feeling as if I was floating in a world of our own. His hands wrapped around me, pulling me closer, melting away any lingering doubts. We were always eager to explore new things together, fully immersed in the present, letting go of everything else.

The passionate kisses, wild bites, and the marks left behind were proof of the wild side he had awakened in me. After one of our intense makeout sessions, where he had pinned me down with that irresistible force, I laid beside him, still catching my breath, and said, "Mujhe na sharam aari hai," in response to his question about why I was laughing so much today, especially after crying just moments before.

When he heard the word "sharam," he playfully snatched the blanket I had used to cover myself, leaving me exposed and giggling.

Being my usual silly self, I teased, "Arey, toh hu na mai  pyari si, choti si, aur masum si."

He smirked and replied, "Pyari aur choti, maan sakta hu. Masum toh nahi ho, atleast mere samne toh bilkul bhi nahi.”

When I mentioned my desire to be played with his fingers, he burst into laughter, as if I had just told the funniest joke from a Priyadarshan movie. For a split second, it felt like he was mocking me, and my overthinking mind began to sow seeds of doubt. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t like that.

Suddenly, he  leaned over me, saying, “toh, kya hua,” before pressing his lips against me. The weight of his entire body melted away as we lost ourselves in the moment. That day, we were more connected than ever, letting go of all inhibitions and truly being in the moment.

Afterwards, he even remarked, “it feels like today we really did it. We can actually call it sex.”

Playfully, I responded, “ yeah, right… but it was for a shorter time.”

He quickly shot back, “ acha? Did you see yourself? You were screaming, putting so much pressure on me from behind, and I still managed to keep up with the space and time.”

His words left me speechless, turning me into a shy baby afterward.

As we ran out of time, we quickly dressed and headed out. We decided to come back in the morning- an idea I suggested so we could fully enjoy the service we had paid  for.

After heading back home, the only thing that kept me feeling lighter was the way he cuddled me before we  left. He looked at me and asked, "Do you wanna cuddle for a while?" And grabbed me from behind, held me tightly for minutes.

That simple gesture made me forget my past, those haunting flashbacks where I used to take showers at 2 a.m. just to wash away the memory of unwanted touches—it all smoked away like fire.

I believe it’s not just physical intimacy that leads to attachment, but those little gestures, those moments of genuine care, that pull you in more.When he was on top of me that day, the pain was unbearable. I just wanted to hug him and say, "Please stop," but the eagle inside me craved more. It was a battle between the need for comfort and the desire for intensity.

Before going to sleep, I texted him, "Hey, I’m sorry for pushing you away during our first round."He replied, "It’s alright, I understand."The moment he laid back down without making
a big deal of what I had said, or even needing to initiate a conversation afterward, took my soul.

Most people might get offended or feel disrupted if asked to hang up in the middle, but not him. The gentlemanly character he showed in that moment made me crave him a little more.