I swear I'm at my breaking point. I'm just so fed up with my life right now. I just have no reason to get up in the morning. I can't take it anymore. I want to die.
I bet some of you have felt a hint of this feeling before. But most of you will have and never had this feeling before, the feeling of being complete and utterly useless. The past few years of my life have been heck on Earth (and yes, I do have something against swearing). I have a crazed ex-boyfriend who doesn't know that the word no exists unless he's the one using it (what did I even see in that dingle berry anyway?), a debt to five boys who don't know that I'm alive, and a long, long, long story to tell.
FLASHBACK- 2 YEARS
It all began (sounds pretty darn cliché doesn't it) when I was 16. I was livin' the dream: three younger siblings, living at home with two VERY stressed out parents, and a crazed mutt of a dog. Our “little angel” dog, Shep, was, for the lack of a good word, a little pest. I swear that dog is a mix of cat, kangaroo, and 123,456,789 different species of dogs. He was still pretty darn cute. My siblings have been going completely bonkers! For God knows what reason! This is also another reason for my parents stress. College is only two years away. Erg. I can’t even stand the thought.
Anyway, it was my 16th birthday and I was finally allowed to date. At the time I thought it would be great. Ha. Yeah. No. Any hoodles, I was walking down the hall to third hour, Math. As I walked into the class and sat down, my crush, Toby, confronted me.
“Hi. I’m Toby,” he said.
“Hi Toby, I’m Morgan. Can I help you?” I asked him. I was screaming on the inside. TOBY KNOWS I LIVE. HUGHZINGA! Of course on the outside I looked as I could have given less of a crap. Yes, I do indeed pride myself on my poker face.
“Erm, well… I heard it was your birthday and I wanted to wish you happy birthday. So …erm … happy birthday!” He leaned over. What the hail, I thought. His lips pressed onto my check, my now bright red cheek. Yay blushing! (Pick up on the sarcasm? That sentence was just oozing with it). When did I start blushing? He pulled back. “I’ll talk to you later,” He flirted.
Oh my flipping gosh. Toby just…kissed me…ER MER GERD! I finally collected myself and was able to speak.
“OK. See ya around. Or in class,” I replied. I was actually proud of myself for being able to say something not stupid sounding. He winked at me and went to his desk. Luckily there were only three other people in the class room. Two were Jon and Gabby making out in a corner and the other was a girl named Amanda, who reminded me a lot of Ginny Wesley from Harry Potter, was reading…well…Harry Potter.
“Jon! Gabby! Not in my classroom please. Morgan, take your seat please,” demanded my teacher, Mrs. Goozmann.
“Yes Mrs. Goozmann,” I said. I really don’t like being called out in class. I’m a really shy person, but once you get to know me, I’m a crazy chicka. The rest of the class finally filed in. Mrs. Goozmann started the class with her usual banter on how this class was oh-so important and we needed the skills being taught in life outside of school (who knew)?
“Morgan.” My head shot up. Who? Whaaa? Oh. Reality check. Mrs. Goozmann wanted me to go up to the board and solve some really complex formula. Crap. I wasn’t paying very much attention. Luckily I was pretty good at math. Oh who am I kidding? I’m the best math student in my school. It just came really easily to me. (And I study a lot so suck on dem apples.)
“Alright Mrs. Goozmann,” I said walking up the row of students. I past Toby and my way up. I turned red again. Lovely. Hopefully people thought it was because I was going up to the front of the class to solve a problem. I felt a pair of eyes on me, on my bum to be exact. It was Toby. Staring…at…my…butt. Well then.
