JUST A LITTLE COMFORT

C H A P T E R S E V E N T E E N

More days passed by. Cole seemed happier now. I think him attending the wedding and making up with Ariel did wonders for his mental health. We were always laughing. Eating together. Talking about our days. He helped so much with Amir. He was probably more involved than some fathers of their actual children. He kept talking now and again about some program he wanted to do, and I'd just listen.

We'd always talk about things we wanted to do and our goals. I didn't really have much to add to the conversation about goals. I liked the life I had. The structure was comforting to me and made me happy. He came back one night from work and told me he got a spot for the program.

"What? Really... that's amazing. That's so exciting!" I said, feeling happy for him.

"Yeah, it will be an interesting experience and it's a good opportunity. Having this on your record is amazing." He said.

"That's great. So, when does it start?" I asked.

"In two weeks." He said, "So the hospital already has people to cover my patients for three months and ...." He said, still speaking but I zoned out. Did he say he's going for three months. Why did I think this program was online whenever he spoke about it? I just thought he mentioned the country that he'd be corresponding with online. I didn't know he was going away for three months.".... So, I guess that's how the accommodation is going to work." He said, still talking.

 I blinked hard and tried to concentrate. "Sorry, what? I zoned out... I didn't... uh.... You're going to stay there for three months?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yeah... there's lectures and seminars to attend. Practical activities and you go to the hospital and watch surgeries from galleries. World-renowned doctors come to perform the surgeries there because of the facilities and the research lab has resources that are so developed, it's futuristic. It's great exposure. The skills you pick up can be incorporated in how you perform surgery..." He said, still talking about how exciting this program was. He was ecstatic. I haven't seen him this excited since he thought he was having a baby with Ariel. Well, he might have been more excited about the baby, but he was enthusiastic about something again.

I think my energy was far from matching his, so he asked, "What's the matter?"

"What? Nothing... really... just thinking about how Amir might miss you." I said. 

The realisation of him going was sinking in and coming out in my energy. I didn't want that to be his problem or dampen his mood or excitement.

"Oh... Yeah. I thought about that too. That's one of the reasons I didn't want to go. Unless you and Amir don't mind coming with. I'll pay for accommodation, tickets, anything you want. I'll really miss you both, "he said. 

I laughed, "No, don't feel bad and that's not going to be practical. You're going to need to fully immerse yourself in this program and absorb as much as you can. You can't do that if we're always at the back of your mind. You'd be worried about what we're doing and what would the two of us do all day there? Everyday? For 90 days?" I asked and he sighed, knowing it was not practical, but it was really sweet that he thought of us. 

He seemed to have grown as attached to us as we had to him, so he had to choose between taking this opportunity or staying behind. He wouldn't gain anything staying behind. It was only three months. It would be silly if he did stay behind. 

Julia, James, Amir and I took him to the airport, and had lunch together. We wished him well. He kept checking my phone and told me to keep it on. Not to go off the grid again. He wanted to video call 'Amir' but he was more relaxed knowing Julia and Anna-Marie were around so he could reach 'Amir' through them. I can't disappear again. I laughed at his concern.