The Monsters In Our Heads (Book 7 Arrow/SPN Crossovers)

Of Wolf and Man

I was half expecting Sam to follow me, but he stayed away which worked for me. One reason I'd been able to stay clear of hunting since moving in with Coyote was I refused to look at news reports, read papers, think about the outside world. For the first few weeks it was hard has hell to do. It'd been habit for so long, get up, get food, look for jobs. Coyote liked to stay up on current events and she'd had to train herself to not mention anything that was going on to me. I'd often wondered how people had no clue what was really going on out there, after a few months I understood why. If you don't look, you don't know and you can't care about things you know nothing about. There are millions of tragedies going on every day, most people have no clue. Admittedly if you try to care about everything and everyone you'd drive yourself nuts so I guess I couldn't blame them. My entire life I'd been scouring reports of killings, abuse and torture to try to find the one or two monsters that weren't actually human. There are plenty of humans that are monsters so after a few years of doing that you get a pretty bleak view of humanity. Thinking about it now I'm pretty shocked that Sam and I are still able to care about anyone at all these days.

Once Sam started hanging out he noticed that I wasn't looking at news and chose not to mention any jobs he was working on. The few jobs I did go on were ones where he'd needed extra backup and he'd waited until the last second to ask, but as soon as we got back to Coyote's place not a word about hunting was said. After a few months I had managed to build a pretty safe anti-hunting bubble. It got a little shattered once I started calling hunters to help with the truck stop, but I didn't mind too much. Most of the chatter faded once we started building the place, I think the other hunters appreciated the break as much as I did. The call from Krissy had just blown the whole thing to shreds.

If it'd been some adult I would have been able to hand it off, let Sam and Coyote go and been fine with it. Kids are something completely different. Kids have always attached themselves to me and I've never minded it. I like kids, maybe it's the fact that they're still innocent or that I never really got to be one myself. Maybe it's the big brother in me I don't know. Kids in trouble always get to me, probably has to do with that protect everyone part of me that I got up close and personal view of when my Warrior Spirit went damn near rabid when Sam and Coyote were threatened. Poor wolf was beat all to hell but it didn't matter.

It wasn't just that though. Coyote isn't really good with kids either. She doesn't know how to talk to them or act around them and she's not that fond of them in general. They're loud and rambunctious, she likes things a lot calmer. It was a good thing I wasn't all that keen on having my own kids or that could be an rather large issue between us. I've got no problem helping out other people's kids, I did it all the time on the Reservation but wasn't too sure I wanted the responsibility full time. I'd done that once all ready raising Sam. If she managed to get Jacob talking he was going to need someone around that didn't just understand being controlled by something but someone that he feel comfortable opening up to, Sam and Coyote weren't those people. As much as I loved them, it was the truth.

Problem was that I wasn't too sure I'd be comfortable with delving back into what I'd need to to help him. I wasn't sure if Coyote was doing things to help with my nightmares, if it was the fact that I was more relaxed, wasn't hunting or a combination of all of it but I'd go weeks now without one, at least one that I could remember. When I'd ask her she said the same thing. I used to wake her up all the time because I'd be thrashing around in my sleep or screaming but that barely happened now. Even though the hate the Mark had been shoving into me head was gone and I'd manage to start separating out my motives for doing things from the guilt Azazel had given me I still had days where I was on edge, pissy and filled with this random rage or frustration that I didn't know where it came from. Usually I'd take off and go for a hike or a long ass drive to get as far away as I could from Coyote so I wouldn't do or say anything that would hurt her. I still feel that push towards violence every now and again which scared the crap out of me. Hell, all that hate that poured through me just from Krissy telling me about Jacob was way out of line, or maybe it was just because it'd been so long since I'd felt it that it felt out of whack.