Broken Salvation | 18+

ten

    The next morning I woke up to an eerily quiet empty house, even Margaret hadn't made an appearance with the vacuum. After a much needed shower, when I came down stairs I found the kitchen all cleaned up and sitting on the table where my buttocks had been the night before was a single cigarette and lighter underneath both a shopping list and his credit card. After a small smile formed on my lips, but as I looked around, I felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach, knowing I must have gone too far the night before. I had really messed things up with Father Boss.

    Thinking what would Father Boss do at this very moment, I took what would soon become my first whole cigarette ever outside and sat on the cool back steps, looking out over the graveyard. It was a moment of peace and calm. A couple of magpies swooped down from the overhangings tree and one picked up twigs the other a worm before flying back up to make their nests. I then focused on my hand. I went about struggling with the lighter. It was more difficult than I thought. Father Boss had always handed me a lit cigarette and now that I was left on my own, I just couldn't get it down. I struggled for a bit with the cigarette between my lips, unlit and just dangling there, until I noticed someone walking over. Closing my knees quickly, I looked up and relief crossed through me, I saw Matthew coming my way with his grocery store apron on over his clothes. He always took a shortcut through the churchyard to go to work, so I was used to smoking in front of Matthew by then.

    "Need some help?" he asked, giving me that charming smile he always seemed to have. Matthew was such a sweet man to even stop for me while on his way to work.

    "Please," I mumbled, trying not to drop the cigarette between my lips, holding the lighter out to him. He got in close to me, I could smell his deodorant and used one hand to block the flame from any wind as he struck the lighter once and lit the end of my cigarette for me. After taking in the now much needed first long drag, I let out the smoke with a gentle sigh. "Thanks," I smiled up to him as he handed me the lighter back, our hands lightly brushing one another.

    "No problem. I better get going." Matthew said as with a swift movement he checked his phone for the time.

    "I'll be seeing you very soon. Father Boss left me a shopping list." I told him as I took another long drag from my cigarette.

    "Great, I look forward to seeing you." He said it with the warmest smile I had ever seen and I wondered if he meant it as my stomach again fluttered, or was he just being nice. We locked eyes for a moment longer before he went off on his way back across the grounds, leaving me there by myself alone with the birds and squirrels once again.

    The rest of the morning was pretty mondaine. After breakfast, I went off to the store, my head was lost in thoughts as such I did not even look at the list till I got there. At the top there were normal things, different foods and vegetables, some coffee, tea, toiletries, but at the end there was something I never ever expected to buy. Something that was never on my mom's list. Two packs of cigarettes and a lighter, the brand neatly scribbled down as to make sure I got the right ones. I was suddenly nervous, though after so long of partaking in what could be only described as a bad but fun habit of sharing cigarettes with Father Boss, the least I could do was pick up more for the two of us. Plus, after a stressful morning by myself I was seriously contemplating that I could really use another.

    I made sure when I finished to go through the line Matthew was checking out and when I got to the front we shared a smile. "Good morning, Miss Julia." He greeted me, starting to scan all the different things I had lined up on the belt. "Father Boss is a lucky guy. Doesn't even have to come do his own shopping anymore." He teased playfully, making me roll my eyes.

    "Well, he is a busy man, you know?" I said as I took the bags and put them back in the cart. Thankfully there was not too much I would need to carry back to the little house on the church grounds, though I did wish I had some help with that part of things. When he finished ringing everything up I cleared my throat and looked at the list, I am sure my face was red from blushing, I was very much afraid to even say out loud what I needed. Matthew stared at me and gave me a sweet look as he leaned against the counter a bit, his eyes peering over at the list as he came in closer.