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I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, staring at my reflection in the mirror. It looked good. Not like I was trying too hard, but just enough effort to seem.... effortless. The waves in my hair fell perfectly, around my face, and I'd spend way too long getting them to look that way this morning. I guess that's how it always went, making things seem easy was actually the hardest part.

I let out a small sigh, leaning against the sink for a moment. It was always the same routine, make sure everything's just right, keep the smile ready, and walk out there like I owned the place. Well, not owned the place. I wasn't that girl. But I guess people knew me. Enough to wave, smile and say hi.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, the familiar sounds of college life surrounded me laughter echoing through the hall, students chatting about classes, and the distant thump of music from a nearby frat house. I could feel the energy in the air, a mix of excitement and anxiety that always came with being on campus. I Love this space, this chaos, but sometimes it felt overwhelming.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out, glancing at the screen.

Emily: Hey, are we still on for lunch?

Sophie: if you're not wearing that dress we talked about, I'm gonna be so mad!

Lila: Chill, Im on my way! Outfit is perfect, promise.

I quickly typed my response and hit send.

this was normal, keeping up with the group, ensuring I stayed in the loop. My friends were the best, but sometimes I felt a little distant from them. We'd spent so much time talking about the same things: what to wear, the latest gossip, the parties happening over the weekend. I appreciate the connection, but it sometimes felt shallow, like we ere all just floating on the surface .

As I made my way to the dining hall, I passed a few acquaintances who nodded in my direction. I wasn't in a rush to engaged, so I kept moving. Then there's Jake, a guy from my sociology class, leaning against the wall, grinning as I walked past. I shot him a quick smile, but I didn't stop. Flirting felt like a chore sometimes, and today wasn't the day for it.

When I reached the dining hall, the familiar scene greeted me. Long tables filled with students, some chatting, others buried in their laptops, trying to juggle lunch and studying. I spotted Emily and Sophie at our usual table, already engaged in a lively debate about some campus event.

" Finally!" Emily exclaimed, looking up from her phone. "We thought you were lost!"

"Just making sure I looked good," I joked, sliding into my seat and stealing a fry from Sophie's plate. "How's the food today? still terrible?"

"Worse than usual, but at least the fries are okay, " Sophie replied, rolling her eyes but smiling. "We were just talking about the party at Theta tonight. You in?"

"Maybe," I said. taking a sip of my drink. The parties were fun, but sometimes they felt more like an obligation than an actual choice. I loved hanging out with my friends, but there were times when I just wanted a quiet night to myself to recharge.

As they continued to chatter about the party and who was going. I listened. I nodded and added my thoughts here and there. I couldn't shake the feeling that while everyone enjoyed the surface level fun, no one truly recognized the real me beneath the facade. Did they notice when I felt off? or was I just another face in the crowd, a girl who seemed to have it all together?

" Lila? Earth to Lila?" Emily's voice broke through my thoughts, pulling me back into reality.

"sorry! I zoned out for a second. what were you saying?" I replied

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Sophie exclaimed. "you've been quiet this whole time. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, Im fine," I said, my smile wavering for a moment. "just tired, I guess"

maybe tonight, at the party, I could find a moment to break free from the routine. Or maybe I'd just end up laughing and smiling, feeling good but still missing that deeper connection. I wasn't sure yet. But as I sat there, surrounded by my friends and the buzz of campus life, I realize I had to try. Maybe I just needed to take a step beyond the surface and see what happened. After all, college was suppose to be about discovering who you really are, right?








Hey everyone! im excited to share Lila's journey with you. Chapter one is complete! your feedback means so much to me!!

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