Some may say, love is poison, it ruins you. Some says that it brings out the better in you. For Anntonia and Michelle, it was both. They liked each other, longer than they know, even before they realized. And if love was the only thing in this world, they would've been together.
It's the same thing everyday, they set each other up on dates with friends, a friend of a friend, a cousin, a distant relative, from classmates, to co-workers, anyone but each other. Wanting to stop the world to stop the feeling they have for each other. While wishing on every wishing stars for the date to fail, in hopes that one day, they will be the one sitting on that table, on a date.
—————
Anntonia is catholic, and so is Michelle, they met at church on sunday, while Anntonia was listening to the priest's homily, Michelle couldn't help but stole glances of Anntonia, confused on why she feels weird things on the sight of the other girl. She felt guilty, this is wrong, it's a sin, girls can't love other girls that way. God made Eve for Adam, not for another Eve. She hoped that- that will be the last of it, there are 8.1 billion people on the planet, surely the chances of seeing the other girl again is very low.
And whilst Michelle thinks she's the only one who feels that way, Anntonia was confused too, how can she feel that way for someone she just seen, and to another girl, she chuckled inwardly, maybe she's just confused, because the girl is different, she never seen a girl that beautiful, no girl ever made her feel like this. That night, she apologized to God and begged him not to let her see the other girl again, after all, she's only 17, this is just a phase, not seeing her again will make her forget about that feeling.
But fate decided to play it's part, it turns out, that is not the last time they will be seeing each other, both their parents enrolled them to a church camp for the summer, before they turn 18. Michelle took a quick glance at the girls face, she was, without a doubt, the captivating girl she saw at church. So, she made a plan to avoid her, not wanting to betray God and sin, she didn't want to sacrifice her relationship with her parents either, this shouldn't be too hard.
"Hi, I'm Anntonia, we're roommates for the whole summer, so I'm hoping to be friends with you," fuck. Michelle stood there, her mouth slightly agape, as Anntonia held out her hand, waiting for the other girl to introduce herself. "I'm Michelle, it's nice meeting you," she said as she grabbed Anntonia's hand to shake it. This might end up badly.
Ever since that night, they became inseparable, Michelle grew fond of the other girl, and Anntonia felt the same way for Michelle. They tried to hard to push away their feelings for each other, not wanting to risk the great relationship and everything else. But the feelings just get stronger. On the last night of the camp, Michelle decided to tell Anntonia how she felt and cut ties with her afterwards.
"Michelle, it's okay to feel that way, maybe you're just confused because we're always together," Anntonia answered, trying to compose herself. Trying to ignore her heart breaking into a million pieces. Those were the last words she uttered to Michelle before they parted ways. Michelle was heartbroken, and so was Anntonia.
After a few years they met again, more mature, it was different, but the feelings were still there, it never left, the mere thought if the girl and that night breaks Michelle, and now, she's standing in front of her, face to face, trying to hide the feelings away again.
"It's been so long," Michelle started as she sat down at their table. "I know right, we were 17 when we last saw each other," she paused, "at church camp," they said in unison, disappointment evident in their voice. "Well, how's college?" Michelle asked, diverting the topic. They talked, until they run out of topics, and parted ways. again.
That's how they became friends again, Michelle is still catholic, and so is Anntonia, they go to church together most times.
-------
September 27, 2024 (current time)
"Ann, I don't know how to say this, but, I still like you," Michelle paused. "God forbid, I know it's wrong, but what can, I tried to stop it, but I can't." pause again, "every time I set you up on dates, I couldn't help but wish on the stars that I was the one sitting there with you, talking about our lives for the first time, God, sometimes I even wished I was a man so I could love you without being guilty about it, without the constant fear that people might find out, but unfortunately, not everything we want can be given to us." A tear drop escaped Anntonia's eye, as much as she tries to deny it, she too, like Michelle, a lot, so much that she's almost willing to risk everything for them to be together.
Almost.
But almost is never enough, no matter how strongly she feels for the latter, she couldn't bring herself to betray her family and God, she loved Michelle, yes, so much, so fucking much. But it doesn't seem to be enough to risk going to hell for. Anntonia was scared, when they were 17, she still is, but Michelle seemed like she's ready to risk it all, she's willing to go to hell for one kiss, just. one. kiss.
Slowly she grabbed Anntonia's faced, she wiped the latters tears, pressing her forehead into Anntonia's. "Michelle, I love you, but I'm sorry, I'm scared, I'm scared to go to hell," she whispered. Michelle pressed her lips into Anntonia, kissing her softly with a promise. They kissed until they run out of breath. Michelle broke the kiss, giving the latter a woeful smile, still caressing her face.
"I promise you, in my next life, I will be a man, so I could love you freely, without having to go to hell," she uttered in between her sobs. Anntonia nodded. "And I promise to wait for you, no matter how long it takes, you're the only one I'll love," Michelle slowly let go of her, giving her one last kiss before leaving for good, leaving Anntonia on the floor, crying, as she watched the love of her life walk away from her.
It was indeed, a capital loss, for love was the law and religion was taught.
"If I could kiss you and go to hell, I would, so I could brag with the devils that I saw heaven without ever entering it"
-William Shakespeare
