Fighting For Her- Imane Khelif

Unsettled Desires

Imane and Ellie walked back to their apartment after the dinner, the night air cool and quiet around them. They didn't exchange much conversation, both seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Imane could tell that Ellie was tired, her eyes heavy as they approached the door.

As soon as they got inside, Ellie stretched her arms above her head and yawned. "I'm exhausted," she said with a small smile, rubbing the back of her neck. "I'm gonna get ready for bed."

Imane nodded, waiting for her turn to use the bathroom. The apartment was small, and they had to share everything—one bathroom, one bedroom with two queen-sized beds, a tiny kitchen, and a small living room. It was comfortable enough, but the lack of privacy was already starting to get to Imane.

Ellie disappeared into the bathroom, and Imane sat on the edge of her bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone. She could still hear the faint sound of water running and Ellie moving around. After a few minutes, Ellie emerged, wearing a knee-length t-shirt nightgown.

Imane glanced up and felt her breath catch for a second. It was hard not to notice that Ellie wasn't wearing a bra beneath the thin fabric. The soft curves of her body were visible in the dim light, and Imane quickly looked away, trying to focus on anything else. This is going to be hard, she thought, her mind racing. Maybe I should have rented the two-bedroom apartment.

"Goodnight," Ellie said softly, slipping under her covers without a second glance.

"Goodnight," Imane replied, her voice quiet.

She lay in bed, trying to calm her thoughts. But it was impossible. Her mind was spinning, thinking about the way Ellie moved, the way her skin glowed in the soft light. Imane's thoughts spiraled further—about Gianna flirting with Ellie, about how much easier things seemed for her. Gianna had no shame in being herself, while Imane was trapped in her own self-imposed limitations. If only she had the freedom to express her feelings, she would have asked Ellie out without hesitation.

What am I even doing? Imane wondered. She opened her phone and started Googling queer Muslim famous people, reading stories of others who had lived in conflict with their identities.

Her parents had always known about her sexuality since the incident when she was caught kissing a girl. They never pressured her to marry, which was something Imane was grateful for. She had a friend who wasn't so lucky—her family forced her into a marriage with a man after discovering her secret. At least Imane didn't have to face that kind of future, but still, her parents insisted she stay single.

Why can't I just be like Gianna? Imane thought bitterly. If I had the freedom she does, I wouldn't hesitate.

Eventually, her mind tired, and she drifted into a restless sleep.

Imane woke up to the soft rustling of movement. She blinked her eyes open and saw Ellie on the living room floor, doing yoga in tight leggings and a form-fitting top. Imane's gaze unintentionally lingered, watching the way Ellie's body moved gracefully through the poses. The stretch of her muscles, the curve of her waist—it was all too much.

This is going to be impossible, Imane thought. She had spent years ignoring her feelings, pushing them down, but Ellie made it harder with every passing day.

After breakfast, they both headed to the gym for training. Imane felt somewhat distracted, her thoughts swirling with everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. When it was time to pair up, she got assigned to train with Sarah, while Ellie was paired with Gianna.

Imane's jaw tightened as she watched Gianna's subtle attempts to flirt with Ellie throughout their sparring session. At one point, Gianna even placed a hand on Ellie's waist, lingering longer than necessary. Imane tried to focus on her own training, but her jealousy grew stronger with each passing minute.

By the time lunch rolled around, Imane could hardly speak. She sat in silence, picking at her food, unable to shake the uneasy feeling gnawing at her.

They trained until 5 p.m., pushing their bodies to the limit. Imane was exhausted by the end of it, but the constant sight of Gianna and Ellie together only deepened her frustration.

When they finally returned to the apartment, Ellie immediately headed to take a bath, leaving Imane alone with her thoughts once more. She sat on the couch, trying to distract herself, but her mind kept drifting back to Ellie—her smile, her laugh, her body. Imane shook her head, forcing herself to focus on something else.

Suddenly, she heard a loud thud followed by Ellie's voice, strained and panicked.

"Help!" Ellie called out from the bathroom.

Imane jumped to her feet, her heart racing as she ran toward the door.