Phil P.O.V.
I felt this impulsive need to pull him toward me, to let those once regretful words collide with my aching thoughts.
I pushed it aside.
"Daniel...look at me." I forced myself to look at him, it hurt inside to see him like this. "You're going to be fine, I promise."
The lies escaped my lips as if they were memorized and known. Lying had never been my strong suit, especially when it came to Dan. He could always tell when I was untruthful, but, for the most part, I just couldn't stand the idea of not telling him the truth.
His fingers, entangled in mine, squeezed my hand as if it were his lifeline. And, in someways, it may have been.
"Dan?" My voice was barely a whisper, trying to hold back tears can do that. He glanced up at my face. "What were you thinking about? Out there on the street?"
His eyes blurred in confusion for a moment, his mouth slightly ajar.
"I-I don't really remember....anything."
I nod, understandable. I stare at the bruises and cuts about his head. What if he doesn't remember anything at all? My thoughts start to panic. I begin to turn to walk out of the room, I needed some fresh air. The smell of antibiotics and fear and death and misery washed over me and made me sick.
My hand starts to slip out of his but he tightens his grip suddenly.
"Wait." Was the only word he said before I turned, eyes full of crashing waves.
"Phil...Philly I remember something." I crouch on the ground next to his bed, clenching his hand. "I-I remember you. You were there."
Oh no. If he remembered anything, please don't let it be from our fight, from the party. If he remembered what I said, what I did, I would lose myself.
"I was, laying there, staring at the sky. Oh Phil, it was so beautiful. The stars, they were so bright; I couldn't stop staring at them. But, in the moment, I didn't see any of that. I only saw you, Phil."
His deep, brown eyes were melting into puddles that slipped innocently down his cheeks.
I brushed his hair out of his face. "I'm so sorry, Dan. I didn't mean anything, I never wanted this to happen."
His hand reaches up and touches my jaw. "What are you talking about Phil?" He asks simply, unable to recollect any of the happenings of the past hours.
"Its- Don't worry Dan, its nothing at all." I try my best to smile, wash away any questions Dan had.
He raised his lips into that half smirk, half smile he did.
My tears made me rock back and forth, struggling to speak, to even breathe. He sees me in my wreck.
"I'm going to miss you so goddamn much." He whispers out of quivering lips.
My eyes reach up to his, "Dan, what are you talking about?" I hold his hand in both of mine, battling a shaking hand and a breaking heart.
His sigh is accompanied by acknowledging tears, "Don't keep it from me Phil. I can't feel anything right now. Barely even the touch of your fingertips. I'm sorry."
I drop his hand and pull myself forward, grabbing his face in my hands. I can feel his hand reach up to touch my shoulder. Our faces, inches away, I say the words I would died to say if they would have saved his life.
"Daniel, I am undeniable in love with you. Everyday, every night, every waking moment of my life. Nothing will ever change, you know that. I won't let them take you away from me, let you leave me. I won't ever let you go."
Dan smiles, crying through his tears, staring directly into the depths of my soul.
He forces himself forward. Pulling himself into me. His lips are warm and filled with passion. I wrap my arms around his back to keep him up. He pulls back, his hand pushing the hair out of my eyes.
"I love you so goddamn much Phil." He confesses before pulling me to him again, his hand at the nape of my neck. I kiss him with the untenable love that I have felt from the moment my eyes found his. I feel his breath in my mouth, feel his lips finding peace with mine. I lose myself completely, thoughts have dissolved into oblivion, worries have vanished.
I start to pull back into reality when I feel no movement. His lips were limp on mine, his heavy, warm breath has stopped colliding with mine, his hand was slipping from my neck.
I pull back, staring at his face. The only word I could think of to describe it was blissful. His eyes lacked to open, I no longer felt his heartbeat against my chest. There was just...nothing.
Everything came into focus. The yelling of nurses, the blare of the flat line, the weight of the dead boy in my arms.
~
The only sound that echoed around the hospital at 4:30 in the morning was the sound of Phil screaming.
