This Life

14 - Nervous

☆ HI HI HI TRIGGER WARNING!!? I almost cried getting into this- so TW on some angst. It includes self hate, family loss, and questioning oneself.
But right after will be some wholesome fluff between Sabiti and Giyuu which makes up for it- I hope Haha

- Contains: Family loss; Death of a family member(s) - self hate, eating disorder mention.

☆ Also, I tried making this chapter a little longer, so eat up! Character background time ( mainly Giyuu + some Sabito )

Third person POV:

Today was the day Sabito was determined to ask Giyuu out. He had the whole week, and he failed. He didn't want to keep waiting and feeling weirder about it. It's just a hangout between friends, right? Although Sabito couldn't deny having any "more than just friends" feelings for Giyuu. Though he wanted to spend more time with him, apart from school, and where they could actually be alone together. The idea excited him, and the of getting closer to Giyuu, being closer to Giyuu.
The more he thought of it, he hoped it could become a reality. Though it, of course, did make him a little nervous. Mainly because he was scared of how Giyuu would react.

"Does he even like boys? What will he think of me? what does he think of me now? Could I scare him off? Through the months we've spent working together in class, just enjoying each others company, and every small hangout with the friend group.. I love every second I get to look at him. Every minute, we exchange words, even if it's only a few. He doesn't smile often, and yet he smiles at me. I wonder if he even notices. Does he notice how he makes me feel? Giyuu..."

Sabito thought to himself, his heart racing and his mind clouding up whenever he thought about Giyuu. He was sure he loved him, he admired so much about his characteristics and enjoyed his company, always. Sabito didn't think it'd be a reach to be in love with Giyuu- well, thinking about it didn't strike him the wrong way. He wanted more of Giyuu in such an innocent and genuine way. He imagined just lying side by side, in silence even if they were just watching a patch of grass grow- he felt Giyuu become an important person in his life, and he wanted Giyuu to know it too. Yet he held back even if it was intentionally all the time - he couldn't help but worry he'd scare Giyuu off with what seemed to be sudden feelings.

As for Giyuu, he still paced his room whenever he thought about it. He always tries to keep his feelings pushed aside, convincing himself they aren't important. Giyuu would always drown himself in his paintings, chores, or just make himself busy and productive to not get lost in his head. The idea of love never crossed his mind. Now that it did, the fact that it excited him at all scared him. Giyuu wasn't sure if these feelings were even okay to feel. It was all so new to him, and shook him up a bit.

Much more, even just the idea or even thought of what his sexuality may be, he would have never even guessed he'd have these "more then just a friend" feelings for anybody, and a boy? Well, that was even more of a surprise. Giyuus mom would always taunt him on when he'd "bring a girl home" even though she knew Giyuu would rather focus on himself. Little did she know that her son has been tweaking out over a newfound crush that he couldn't seem to get off his mind. That crush being a boy, at that.

Embarrassingly enough to Giyuu, he's only ever had fictional show crushes. Although, according to him, those didn't matter; He and his sister would watch their favorite show series together, and would often yap about what characters they did or didn't like. Really, it was Shinobu who pointed out to Giyuu his fictional crush. Little Giyuu didn't even have a clue about what romatic feelings even met. He didn't care. He always just focused on genuine connections and found peace in even the simplest things in life. As for Shinobu, who loved to taunt him and everyone around her that she could, to be honest.