A Pure Love- Gjon's Tears Fanfic

Chapter 9

Gjon's POV

Here I was months ago thinking that I'd never be in a relationship. I was scared of being just imperfect enough for someone to leave, even while knowing that mistakes are okay and I can learn from them without ending things. Here I was months ago thinking I could never be good enough. Thinking that I would shy away too quickly from my best, most long-lasting relationship just because I didn't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship.
But here I am now in a real, committed relationship with Marlee, my middle school and high school best friend (classmates liked to joke that we were high school sweethearts, which kind of makes sense now looking back on it). It's weird to me that nothing about our love feels weird. It just feels so... normal. I love her and wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone else in the world. But sometimes I question to myself this: am I just with her in pity because of her past relationship of abuse and lovelessness? No, I can't be. I know for sure that I love her, but it just felt so soon after I knew about her crazy ex that we declared our love. We've pretty much both been waiting for the right moment to declare our love, that it may have came at a bad time?
From how we interacted at the Eurovision afterparty due to having too many drinks to our coffee shop conversation just days after pretty much confirming that we do, in fact, have a crush on each other, you would have thought we'd have declared it sooner. But rushing things isn't really our thing. 

It eases my insecurity to spend time with Marlee and be myself around her, but these nagging thoughts would just never leave. I can't just ignore them, so I decided I wanted to talk to her about it. But while she's at work today? No. Face to face in the comfort of one of our homes. So instead I messaged her to stop by after work: "Marlee love, I'm feeling quite insecure about something. I want to talk face to face about it, though, so are you able to stop by after work?"
It took a few minutes to respond, but she got back with me: "Sure thing :) I hope everything is okay love. Here for u <3 I've got like 3 hours tho."
"That's fine, love :) I'll see u in a bit."
"See u!"
Then it was a long three hours of shaking nerves, song procrastination, and eventually as the time got closer, my heart beating out of my chest. But I knew I had to do it: I have to be honest with her if I want this to work. Finally, the time came when she texted: "I'm home now :)"

So then I, reluctantly with a sigh, got up from the piano and stepped into my shoes. The walk to her house was close but I couldn't help but walk so slowly. As if to procrastinate this too. Procrastinate the necessary because it's difficult. But just after I knocked on the door, she greeted me warmly with a kiss and my favorite hot tea. With fall coming upon us so fast, it was perfect to get into that mood during a tough but necessary talk.
She held my hand and led me to the couch. "Remember Gjon, whatever it is that you wanted to talk about, I'm here. Okay? I can see how nervous you are."
"I am so nervous. But I know it's something I have to say because I need to be honest about things for... us to work."
The concern on her face had my heart beating out of my chest even harder. "Is it anything that I did?" she asked.
"No, of course not," I reassured her. "It's rather some things nagging at me in the back of my mind, more making me feel like I'm wrong for something... about the... timing? I guess?" I took a sip of my tea, hoping the little heat would calm my nerves.
"Timing? What do you mean?"
"Like how we got together so quickly after I knew your story about your ex. All of a sudden, my brain one day a couple weeks ago told me that I was only with you in pity for your past and it wouldn't stop eating at me."
"Oh my." Marlee placed her arm around me then squeezed my other shoulder with her other hand. "Gjon, that's crazy. I know without a doubt that that's not true. I can see it in your face every time how natural this feels."
"And it's eating at me so much because I know that that's not true. Yet my brain just keeps telling me that I could be a bad person for that."
"You are not a bad person, Gjonnie. And let's face it: I've felt some insecurity about that too. Like I was a bad person for beginning the relationship so soon after I told my story to you. It did feel so quick, but that's because time just goes by so fast when you're having fun in love."
Even though that last part shook me a bit, I gave her a smirk and a nod, agreeing, "Yeah, I guess so," then I sighed, "but we're doing much more than just having fun in love. This is something serious than that. And I feel like I could do better."
"How?"
"Like how just days before we started our relationship, when your ex came to the bookstore and I just so happened to be in there at the same time. I didn't stand up for you in the way I should have. Maybe I was scared to."

The new look on Marlee's face broke me. Because deep down in her eyes I could see that she agreed with me. The worst part is that I wanted to but didn't know exactly how. I didn't want to get things wrong or make him worse. I saw exactly how Luco acts toward her and how scared of him she used to be, which scared me too. After an awkward moment of silence, Marlee sighed and held me a little tighter and replied: "I get it, it's scary to stand up to someone like him. But what needs to happen over time is to get you some more courage on that part."
Courage. That one really woke me up. I'm over here encouraging others to be brave and go for their dreams just by taking on the Eurovision stage, when I can't even be brave enough to piss off a terrible person. I smiled at her with a nod after really thinking of what she said. "Yes, I agree. I wish I could stand up for myself more, but I think the main thing is that I'm afraid of getting it wrong and making things worse."
Marlee gave me a kiss on the cheek. "No need to worry too much right now about getting it right or wrong. I just want to see you do it, try it, so I know that you can do it. I do know that you can. You are stronger than you know, Gjonnie."
I took a breath in and out, as my new leap into courage. I know you are stronger than you know, Gjon. Just show it. "I can do this."
Marlee wrapped her arms around me into a tight hug, proud as ever. "Yes you can!" Then we ended the conversation with a kiss and I headed home with that huge weight off of me. I didn't know we could work out hard places without a fight. Maybe that was why I liked to say I gave up on love before making it official with Marlee.

I know you are stronger than you know, Gjon. Just show it.