You can call it greed, you can call it desire.
But that's just not it.
I'm looking for comfort, but my hands are tired.
Curse all these prerequisites!
Emotional solace is no longer a necessity.
You can say I'm generally at ease with the things that belong to me.
And that the emotional and mental states meet up at a border thinner than your strand of hair.
But I will point my flashlight in another direction - the well-being of those factors seems fair.
Physical appearances don't bother me any more than a jug is drunken empty, or a bird soars across the sky.
I'd say I'm rather fulfilled in that aspect.
All of this, yet something feels missing - for that, I can't explain why.
A frustrating feeling, being unable to grasp that concept.
So where is that light flashing?
You can have it all and have nothing, but that isn't me.
How this feeling wrecks my nerves, it grows exponentially daunting.
A blurry something is pulling at me, a one thing of many.
It's not cars or clothes or jewelry.
It may be the gold or diamonds that I know I do not need.
It's not the sugary pleasures or ecstatic delights.
Those hormones may not be for me.
But no! That's not quite right.
I can search the deepest, darkest parts of me and still walk around as a toddler loses their mother.
It's unbeknownst to me the first step that I should take in this plight.
Until then, I shall care for these feelings like an anxious gardener.
Though, there are times where I think I found the answer to my confusing mind...
"I can't have a love that lasts, I need the apple of my eye."
"Trying isn't enough, so I strive for success even when I'm blind."
Maddening, I know, but I've gotten this far, why stop now?
That infuriating, yet invigorating feeling may or may not be the death of me.
But nothing comes out of solely sitting and thinking.
So I will continue to strive for that one thing of many.
