Embracing our scars

4. getting ready to tie with u.

~   Akanksha   ~

I looked at myself in the mirror again and put my hand on my heart as it is already the day I have to get married. I again for the 10th time wiped my sweat as i took some deep breaths.

A marriage, a new family, a new beginning which will lead to a happy and prosperous life or just the same hell I have lived all alone in my life?

But after marriage, I have to share a room with a man, who already has said that he won't care about me and love me at the first meet. How will I live with him in the same room? It's terrifying. It's truly terrifying.

Will  i be able to manage? Will I be able the act like he wants me to be? Will I be able to match the standard of that family? What if I disappoint them ..I mean how long it will took them to finally unlove me.

I know that they love me, I can tell from all those phone calls and gifts they have sent me till now with notes, but for how long? How long it will took them to finally get disgusted my me? They don't even know the baggage of trauma I am gonna carry with me to their house?

I broke out of my overthinking as i heard the door knob open, I saw laksh standing there with wide puffy eyes. He probably cried. I can tell he always have this tensed shoulder and he never make eye contact. I know him every well.

I let out a breath I was holding in for don't know how long, my shoulder finally relaxed down as I stare at his reflection in the mirror coming closer to me. He stand behind me as he finally broke his wall and let out a small silent sob and hugged me from behind.

I can't cry, i truly want to. I too want to cry hugging my brother for the last time in this house. It too hard to leave him alone in this hell all alone. Now who will protect him from those human formed monsters? I have raised him from the day he was born, he is more like my baby instead of brother.

I feel nothing but a little bit of happiness as I am leaving this house but my laksh? What about him? The guilt and sadness to leave him all alone in this nark is overpowering the little bit of excitement to live with that family. where will he go to now if he needs anyone? Who will make sure that he ate and feed him when he feels sad? Who will take care of him?

The thought of leaving him immediately brought tears in my eyes as i stood up while holding his hand and tightly hugged him and let some tears fall. He hold onto my neck and cried loudly again.

After some time, i pulled out as he wiped his own tears and then mine and gently kissed my forehead.

"You look so pretty di, pretty like those butterflies" he said, his voice cracking a little as he hugged me again. A smile formed on my lips as i know that he used the word butterfly because it's my favourite. Butterflies are my favourite. 

Our moment came to an stop as the door open slightly. We both looked back to see advait's mom smiling softly at us with a small box in her hand as she close the door behind her.

She gasped immediately as she saw me. "Bahut sundar lag rahi ho beta" She said coming closer to me with dreamy eyes and big smile on her face she immediately embraced me, leaving me shocked, Not used to being hugged in my life. I pulled apart and gave a small smile and then scrunched down to touch her feets for blessing.

"Nahi! Nahi bacha... betiya pair nahi chuthi." She held my forearm and make me scrunched up with her hand on the side of my head, admiring me.

"My sun is so lucky to have someone like you" she exclaimed and kissed my forehead. I just smiled and looked down, only if she knew that her son found me so ugly to even let me get accepted as his wife.

"Did i disturbed bother and sister moment? She said, her lower lips hanging down as she looked at laksh and then me.

"No no, aunty, I - I just came to see di, I am going, you both can talk" laksh exclaimed, as his hand went back on his neck, feeling ambarassed after crying. I know, he don't want anyone to see him cry, he hates it the most, he only cries infront of me