Slash

Different

     It was a warm summer day...one of the most nicest days we had in a while. I remember seeing some surprise Lilys sprouting up around our house, I had cut some with my sword for mother. She didn't say anything, she had just stared at me blankly before taking them and putting them in our only vase on the table. I took that as she liked them...but I never truly knew what mom was thinking. My whole life she was completely silent, I had only heard her say very few things before. I had always found her beautiful though, sweet and caring, despite that quiet shell she had around her. Even from an early age, I could just see the sadness and broken look in her blue eyes. I was quite smart as a kid, I had gotten good at just watching and listening, like an obedient dog. And I knew that mom was scared. Scared of father. I didn't blame her. I had always wondered just what he had done to her to make her this way. Now looking back on it...I think I have an idea what happened to her. When a woman cheats, there are usually set punishments for such a sin. Sometimes they are forced to wear a metal mouth guard, preventing them from talking, or sometimes they get their hair shaven, the most precious thing a woman has. And all of that happened to her, because of me. Because of my existence. I didn't exactly know what had happened to her as a kid...but I knew it wasn't good. And I also knew that she resented me. I could tell from the glares she always gave me when I spoke, like my voice was enough to make her blood boil. That's why I stayed silent most the time.

     Father was worse. A lot worse. For as long as I can remember, he had always hated my guts. My most earliest memories of him was after my brother had been born, how he would hold him in his arms, kissing him and telling him how great he's going to be, while I was subjected to scrub the dishes at the ripe age of 5. And when I dropped a glass plate that was far too heavy for a child....he beat me. When I talked out of turn. He beat me. When I would touch him. He beat me. When I would play too rough with Don. He beat me. When I was sleeping. He would beat me. And every damn time, mom would just watch. Silently. Coldly. Sometimes I would crawl up into her lap for comfort...she never pushed me off, but she never hugged me back. She would sit there. Frozen. Emotionless. Cold.

     When I got older, I had started to feel hopeless. My father hated me with a passion, my mother can't even look at my face without her face curling up in disgust. Do you know painful it feels to see your mother look at you such distaste? Like you truly are such a horrible mistake? But Don.....Don was the sun, while I was mearly a dim star in the sky full of bigger stars. Mom was just as silent towards him as me, but she would sometimes crack a smile at him, or give him a small pat on the shoulder. Never me. And father loved him more than anything. He took him under his wing, told him that he was going to help make him a real man. I could only watch in envy.
  
    Despite how much I should had hated Don for being so much more better than me, it was actually quite the opposite. He was my little brother, through and through. Him and I would run off at night sometimes and star gaze, laughing and rolling around on the dewy grass together. It was then that he had told me he loved watching me and mother cook, that he always had wanted to make delicious foods and sweets.
   "Wouldn't that be so amazing? Just being able to sit inside all day, and make glorious sweets and meals? It's like you would never be hungry! And you would never have to be like, man, I'm really craving a sweet roll. Too bad I don't have one. Oh wait, I can just make one! See? Doesn't that sound so cool?"

   He had told me in private as we sat on that grassy hill, side by side, smiling up at the vast sky above us.

"I guess. But that's boring! Sooo boring! I want....action! Adventure! I want to see...everything. I want to wield a sword like those strong guards we see all the time! I don't want to be some weak, broken brainwashed woman like mom. I want...more. I want freedom. I want to be able to say, and do, whatever I want! Don't tell anyone...but I've been watching you and dad train with the swords. Ive been practicing with a stick in secret."