Try Again

Chapter 11

Night

TWO MONTHS LATER

Things feel so unreal.

Like what I'm looking at. A flying bird with my four year old self on top. Am I sitting on a cloud? Oh wait. This is unreal because I'm dreaming. But why is this dream on loop? I could have sworn I probably am sitting on this cloud for let's say...five hours?

What also feels unreal is when I think about where my story had left off. The train hitting me so good, I felt my body bent and my head dangling. I also felt him. His warmth, his heartbeat, his tears.

I could hear his words as he called for me and begged me to get up. I was trying to. I wanted to. To get up and wipe his tears and put my ear on his chest and hear his heart beating. That's my new favorite sound. I used to love wind ASMR but now it's Xander's heartbeat.

Now when the hell is this dream going to finish! Has the red line still not become long enough? I'm hungry. I want to eat. I want to dance. Heck yeah I do. Most importantly, I want to paint. I want to paint flowers. Maybe clouds. Maybe birds. Maybe Xander?

Why is my mind back to him? Then I hear my own heartbeat. I realize it then. I felt so scared, so lifeless in the car but when I heard him calling for me, when I felt it, I felt safe and full of life. I don't care if I sound pathetic but I miss him. I want to see him right now and hug him. He made me feel things no one, not even Asher, was able to make me feel. I like him.

I like Xander so much that I'm going to tell him just that when I open my eyes. Yes. Yes, that's what I'll do. Right when my eyes open, I will say those exact words I don't care if the doctor is there watching.

"I like you," I murmur, everything around me becomes black and my eyes shoot open. It's blurry at first but then, a face comes into view.

"Night!" Gareth's voice wakes me up completely. Oh my god I think I'll be sick. "Doctor!"

Then the door is opened very wide and it's flooded with everyone I know. That's when everything again, becomes so dizzy, I faint.

++

"Oh my baby girl," I hear my moms angelic voice. I slowly open my eyes to find her sitting right beside me. Then I see dad standing right in front of me, watching me with a broken smile.

"Mom...." I mumble and she sobs, hugging me.

"Oh you are awake my baby," she hugs me tight.

"How long?" I ask in a very weak voice.

"Two months," my dad answers.

My eyes widen, "Oh god."

"Oh don't faint again," Gareth comes into view behind dad, smiling wide at me. Never have I ever thought being in a room with my family would make me at ease. Even with my dad here. It's not....suffocating.

"I'm glad you are back with us, you took all our breaths," Gareth hugs me.

I look at him with tired eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," my father comes closer to me, patting my head, "you are our little girl, we are sorry we couldn't protect you."

Tears start to form under my eyes and I sniff, "God I love you guys."

I had to stay for another five hours at the hospital until I was ready to leave. I stayed at my parents and everyone visited me except for him. Heck, even his mom came to visit me and gave me cute balloons with get well written on them. I never felt so angry but longing. I want him. I want him so bad I don't even notice I'm crying in my bathroom until I feel the tears hanging from my eyes and onto my thighs.