Mutterings

This Is Who I Am

Everyday this question is asked.
"How are you?"
And the sad thing is I never know how to answer it. I could lie or I could simply tell the truth. The thing about telling the truth is you'll never know how the person will respond. I most definitely wouldn't know how to. It would be much easier just to lie and say
"I'm fine/good/ok"
Then to say how I truly feel. Sometimes I don't even know myself. But if you really want the truth then keep reading.
Everyday I lay in my bed,I don't even bother turning on the lights. I'll sit there all day long and I'll think and think and then think some more. I'll stay in the same clothes for weeks, and not even care. The only times I get out of bed are if I'm called or I need to go to the bathroom or eat, which I don't do a lot. I'll go days sitting in the dark with just me and my thoughts. The things that I think about would break you and tear you to pieces. I live with those thoughts almost everyday. Some days are better than others. Like when I'm with friends but not always. I know my friends are there for me but I always hide my feeling. I hide my feelings by focusing on there's or by being clueless. I hate it sometimes though. Having to hide my feelings from my friends. I just know that if I opened up id get hurt or they would get hurt by trying to help me. So that's why I stay clueless, so they'll have a reason to laugh. That's just who I am though. When I'm depressed and I know that my friends are as well I'll do anything to cheer them up even if I'm not really happy while doing it. I'd do anything to keep my friends happy even if that means I won't be. See I care a lot about others more than I do myself and I know that's not always a good thing. But that's just who I am. Sometimes it gets me in trouble but I'm usually in some kind of trouble, not like anything bad it's just I can never seem to do anything right. I try but I'm always being told that I'm doing it wrong or differently. I wish I wasn't such a screw up. People tell me all the time that I'm not one but I know that's not true. Whenever I call myself anything negative around people they always say it's not true. But I know the only reason why they're saying that is because they don't want themselves to look bad so they disagree with you. Or there are people out there who tell you to knock it off because they think you're doing it for attention! Why in the world would I do it for attention; I hate attention! I hate it when people try and pry into my life! All they are are curious; they don't care at all!
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AN:
Hiya guys! So this was... Deep. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest.

Well I hope you all our having a great week and don't forget to vote!

~Moe