BURNING DELUSION

•|04. Silent Persuit.

“Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it’s walking through it.” —Estherlina.

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I stand in front of the mirror, taking in the reflection of the girl staring back at me. My black hair is unkempt, a tangled mess from my restless night. My eyes, usually bright, are dulled by the weight of the world pressing down on me leaving me with a growing sense of desperation. The thought of bills piling up alone just makes my stomach turn.

With a sigh, I put on a black knife pleated mini skirt and a baggy t shirt after I shower, I can’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I need to get groceries, and I don’t have much choice but to venture out.

I grab my phone from the kitchen counter and book an Uber. It’s a ten minute wait, so I pace around the apartment, feeling the weight of the empty space pressing in on me, memories swirl in my mind, reminding me of a time when life was simpler, when Lucian and I were just kids, lost in our own little world.

It was a sunny afternoon, and Lucian and I had spent the morning building our miniature block house. We turned our play room into a kingdom, filled with laughter and dreams. I could still feel the warmth of the sun filtering through the window, casting a golden glow over our creations.

“Let’s make a door here,” Lucian had said, his eyes sparkling with creativity. We had spent hours rearranging our blocks, each creation a testament to our shared imagination. But the joy turned into terror in an instant. I remember my mother’s scream, the way her voice shattered the moment after we were dragged back upstairs.

I shake off the memory, forcing myself to focus on the here and now.

The ding of my phone breaks the silence, letting me know the car is just a minute away. I slip on some sneakers, grab my bag, and lock the door behind me.

Outside, the cool breeze hits my face as I spot the car pulling up to the curb. The driver gives a polite nod as I slide into the back seat. The familiar hum of the engine comforts me for a moment, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I stare out the window as the city moves around me. The tall buildings blur past, people hurrying by, lost in their own worlds. It’s strange to feel so disconnected, even in a city that never sleeps.

We arrive at the mall, I pay and thank the driver before stepping out. The glass doors slide open with a soft hiss as I enter the grocery store, the artificial brightness and the hum of activity greeting me. I grab a cart from the front, the wheels creaking slightly as I push it forward, the familiar rhythm grounding me.

I move through the aisles slowly, picking up the things I need, bread, eggs, milk, beacon, a few vegetables, and pasta, some fruits and juice boxes. I grab a box of cereal, tossing it into the cart absentmindedly. My mind is elsewhere, preoccupied with the looming deadline, the weight of the mafia's involvement in my life, and the strange feeling of being followed.

As I reach for a gallon of milk, I catch a glimpse of someone in the corner of my eye. A man, standing near the entrance, his eyes scanning the store.. then landing on me. I pause for a moment, gripping the handle of the gallon tighter. He’s not just any man, there's something familiar about him, the dark jacket, the way he’s just standing there, watching.

I try to shake it off, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand. I can’t afford to panic right now. Not here.

When I put the milk in the cart, I push the cart down the aisle, trying to ignore the unease gnawing at me. I need to grab some more essentials.