The Diary Of A Lost Soul

01/04/2013, Monday, Easter Monday, April Fools:

Dear diary, just as I had forgot it was Easter yesterday, today I totally forgot that it is April Fools. There actually didn't happen a lot today. Again I woke up around noon (from tomorrow I'm going to try to change that, I want to wake up earlier and not stay in my pyjama all day). Then I had breakfast and I talked to some people on-line. Today I realized that my birthday (on April 20th I'm turning 15) is getting dangerously close, and that I don't know what I want for my birthday. I've always had a long list with Sims3-stuff but earlier my laptop crashed, and I don't have the base game, I don't even like it this much anymore. Then I thought about buying an iPad, and my parents could pay a part. I wanted that because my iPod was really outdated. But I succeeded to update it (now I have lost all my apps, maybe it's better like this, I didn't even play with half of them). Then I thought, a PlayStation seems fun to me, and Audri (a friend of me) said that she has 2, maybe I could buy it for a lower price from her? But that won't happen, because my mom and dad (geez that sounds childish) find that I game too much (So even if I can get the Sims3-base game, I won't get a new expansion), I'll never be a gamer-girl. Then I tough maybe to buy some new clothes, but actually I'm not the kind of girl that is really busy with clothes, and I hate shopping. Then buying shoes maybe? But I only like All Stars, and because I already have 2 pairs, I can't have more (when I like something I really can't have a lot of it, huh?. So I think I'm going to ask for some money, even tho my parents usually give around 200EUR for a gift, but when I ask for money I mostly only get 50EUR (huh, I still have to get my pocket money), so when I choose for getting money, I'll get less. But I don't only think about gifts when I think about my 15th birthday (at this moment my mom came upstairs and I couldn't write this for a moment, I'm writing this at night), I also think about all the things that have happened in my life, and that will hopefully happen. For an exercise in my logbook I needed to seek my 10 favorite photos of myself, and tell that story about them, I printed them twice, because I think they might fit in my diary.

[photo of a baby]: This is the baby picture I know the best. How old would I have been there? 1,      maybe 2? I have no idea, anyway, I realized that at that age, I didn't know anything about the evil at this world, I was still young and worry-less. After 15 more years, I'll look like that at a picture from now

[photo of a toddler]: Here I'm 3-4 years old. This picture hangs (just like the previous one) in our living room. At this age life was going good. Everything seemed O.K. (unfortunately the photo didn't totally fit on the page, but I'm trying to put them chronological).

[photo of all kids in a row, first a little girl with curly hair and glasses, then a little girl (a little older then the first one that reaches out of the row, then a little Japanese boy, then a teenage Japanese boy, Then two adolescent girls]: In this picture I'm the second girl in the row (the one that reaches her head out at left). There I was around 5years old. There I came really close to the danger named primary school, where I would be bullied for 6 years.

[picture of a little girl (on the left) sitting on the lap of an adolescent boy on the right) ]: This photo din't print really good, but this also hangs in the living room, and there it's sharper. Here I'm 8 years old. Then I was in primary school, the big smile you see is fake, to hide all my sadness. 

[black-white picture of a girl with big glasses]: This picture was for an exercise for the BKO (some kind of art school where I go some Saturday mornings). Here I'm in my second year secondary school, still waking up after the primary school. Very socially unused. Still now. 

[black-white painting of a girl with big glasses, without nose, with the nose drawn with a biro]: This picture belongs with the previous one. The exercise was to make a self-portrait. Like you can see, I used another picture to make the exercise with. The last one wasn't good enough. Like you can see I didn't finish, I don't have a nose. When I find the paper back I really want to finish it, because it turned out really well.

(now my legs are kinda starting to hurt) I'm going to stop writing now, it must be like 1:00 a.m., I'll just write here short what I still want to write for today: finish photos+comment, memories about Easter (birthday+Ester, drawing made, Easter bells (dad), memory birthday bike+ring) + end of the day. Good night.

(02/04/2013, Tuesday):

O.K., here am I again. It's a bit weird to start in the middle of my story again. Aargh, the tape (which I used to paste the pictures to the diary) is soo unhandy, I'm gonna get some glue.

....

Well, now I can start!

[picture of a girl with big glasses (on the left) cuddling with a blonde girl (on the right) ]: Here I'm in Cologne with my friend Elizabeth. My social life is starting to work again.

[picture of a girl with big glasses, that has a stain on her left cheek]: Here's a photo that was made when I was painting my room (first I had pink-yellow walls, then a part purple and a part light-green, now a part dark-red, a part red and a part black). The period of sadness and depressions seems to be over, a new part of my life begins.

[picture of a girl with big glasses (on the left), and a girl with brown hair (on the right) at an airplane]: This picture was took in the summer vacation after my second year secondary school. Me, my mother, my aunt and Amber, my niece went to Lisbon. This pic was token on out way back. The flight to go to Lisbon was my first time in an airplane. It was fun in Lisbon, but now I don't wanna travel for awhile.

[picture of a girl with big glasses]: And this picture is from a couple of days ago, I made it my profile picture on facebook. My social life seems to have ended again. But now I've looked at all these photos, I see that isn't for so long yet. I already feel better. 

That where the 10 photos, maybe the short version of my life and what I can remember. After all that thinking about gifts and about my life I watched some television with my dad, and there a really old man was dressed up as the Easter bunny and an old women as an Easter egg. Hilarious! Then me and my dad thought about some Easter-memories:

-When I was 6 I had my birthday on Easter, the garden, our living room and our dinner room were covered in gifts, chocolate and Easter eggs. It's still my best birthday ever!

-I can also still remember that I had ever made a drawing for the Easter bells, and I was SO mad when they didn't take the drawing with them , but had only drawn something at the backside!

-Now I no longer believe in things as the Easter bunny, my dad told me how it came that I could hear the Easter bells rang at Easter day (when I was little and it was Easter, I would get into bed with my mom really early, and then I waited nervously until I got  permission to go downstairs. Then I heard the Easter bells ring, and I ran downstairs). My dad got up really early at Easter and he would go downstairs to put all the Easter eggs and gifts everywhere. Then he would grab a big sauce pan and a ladle, and he would hit the ladle really hard on the sauce pan.

-This memory doesn't have a lot in common with Easter, but on a feast day (I can't really remember which one, my birthday? Easter?...?) I came downstairs and there was a H-U-G-E present! When I opened it, I saw there was my very-first "big-girl bike" (with training wheels) was inside. Then I saw there was also a tiny gift taped on the big one. Inside that one, was a ring, I think I still have it.

After watching television (and playing on some games) I had to go to bed, there I sat on Wattpad for awhile and I've been on facebook, and then I wrote in my diary, and I fell asleep. Wow I've written alot today!