Sun Kisses - Miami Heat

Chapter Three

GUILT AND VOICEMAILS

My skin tingles from the hot kisses he leaves on my skin. His lips slide from my cheeks down to the base of my cleavage, then I reach into his dark hair and pull his face up to mine. I stormily place my lips on his, savoring every second I spend with him, even when I shouldn't be.
But I don't care.
It feels too good.
Too overwhelming.
"You're driving me crazy," he moans against my mouth as I run my hands through his hair and he presses my body even harder against the wall.
Possessed, our tongues circle each other and I wrap my arms completely around him.
His body heat sends a shiver down my spine and his big hands all over my body - first on my ass, then on my breasts - make me overflow. Breathing heavily, we pull away from each other and Malin takes a step back.
And destroys everything.
As long as I don't have to look at him, don't have to look into the same blue eyes as Mal's, don't have to feel the rueful burning pain, I enjoy it. For a few seconds, I can switch off and simply forget everything. And then he looks at me and I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment.
I don't think Mal will have a big problem with it if she finds out that her brother and I have something going on. For several months now. But Mal knows me better than anyone. She'll know how this 'situation' will turn out.
She knows me too well for that and normally she doesn't say anything against my dating life. However, I'm no longer so sure about her respectful silence when it comes to her own flesh and blood.
The only family member who has always been there for her.
And I think her assessment of me would be more than correct. This thing with Malin and me won't be serious. Nothing that will last forever and certainly not a relationship that aims to last a lifetime together.
I might have wished for that at first. But Malin is Damian's best friend and they really aren't that different.
He takes another step back, breathing heavily, and I'm glad of the space he gives me.
When I started to feel attracted to Malin, I was so overwhelmed by the panic inside me that I just mindlessly jumped in and stopped thinking about it any further. And he didn't seem to care at all that I was his little sister's best friend. We've known each other since we were children and Malin has witnessed one or two unpleasant situations that I still prefer not to talk about.
This physical attraction arose from one day to the next - without any warning.
Even though I have to admit that this attraction disappeared from me just as quickly as it came. The only reason I let him into my room and get into bed with him is because I enjoy his presence. Feelings are no longer involved, even though I'm not sure if he feels the same way. And yes, it's totally unfair. My behavior is disgusting because I keep him with me for purely selfish reasons. For the satisfaction. For the rush.
And that says a lot about me, doesn't it?
Sighing, I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling wall.
I'm not a bad person.
I swear I am not.
I just do things from time to time that I shouldn't.
When I look at Malin again, there's a dreamy smile on his lips and he sinks down on my bed. I move towards him, sitting down next to him as he runs his fingers through his hair and grins wryly at me. "What are you thinking about?"
We fall onto our backs together and I reach for a pillow, which I place on my stomach with my arms around it.
Not ready to talk to him about the sick ghosts in my head, I try to broach another subject. "Can you tell Damian to stop being such an ass?" I turn my head towards him and he looks at me apologetically. "You know how he is. Just don't take it seriously." Actually, I don't know what he's like. The rumors from school - yes, the things I've seen and experienced - yes, but do I know what he's like? No.
He's never given me the chance to get to know him. And maybe it's for the best. Who really knows?
For a moment, we just look deep into each other's eyes, our breathing calm and controlled. "He's actually not that bad."
I leave his words uncommented.
He presses a soft kiss to my temple and stands up to grab his backpack from beside my desk. "I'm afraid I have to go, Lia. But don't worry so much, Damian will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow."
Yes, just like he forgot about me and the kiss a year ago.
"What else are you up to?" I ask curiously and accompany him from my room to our front door. Malin usually only comes here when no one from my family is home. Like right now.
That can be quite difficult when three generations live in one house.
"I meet up with good family friends. My father wants me to clarify a few things with them. Probably something business-related."
I nod in understanding and helpfully hold the door open for him after he gives me another tight hug and I smell his pleasant perfume.
"Then good luck and let me know when you get home," I say and he smiles at me. "I'll do that. See you then, Lia."

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"Hey ma." The first thing I see when I enter the kitchen is my mother standing at the stove with her hair up and round glasses on her nose, cooking herself something to eat.
If I recognize it correctly, prawns with squid rings, rice and hot sauce. She grins tiredly at me and stretches her back.
"Hey, little one. Anything new?" I shake my head and stand by her.
Her dark hair is flecked with gray, but her face is still firm and her thin lips are always ready to smile - even if she doesn't really feel like it. She's wearing dark blue jeans and a white V-neck shirt, with a silver necklace that I gave her for Christmas a few years ago.
"I'll go to Mal's later, okay? We're having a movie night with the twins," I say as she tastes the sauce and then nods in agreement.
"Say hi to them for me. Oh, and tell Levin to stop leaving me voicemails and putting letters in my handbag all the time," she mumbles as she takes the pan off the stove and slides her food onto a plate. I grin at her words and tie my hair up in a ponytail.
I've tried to stop Levin many times but he can't be controlled. He always says he only listens to his own gut, and that tells him to leave my mom encouraging letters and voicemail messages. He doesn't chase after my mother - he tries to cheer her up and make her laugh.
He usually speaks ridiculous jokes on her voicemail or writes them, along with childhood memories involving Ma, on letters he slips into her handbag whenever he gets the chance. I know Ma loves him for it.
Levin has become like a son to her over time and she enjoys spending time with him.
I think she appreciates him as much as I do. Because he's not just a part of my life, he's a part of hers too.
"You know he's not going to stop."
She laughs and pushes her glasses up onto her hairline, then sits down and starts to eat. "If he keeps it up, he'll never find a girlfriend. Everyone will think he's already taken if he invests so much time in another woman."
She lifts a heaped fork in my direction and I try some of her rice. It tastes excellent, as it usually does when Ma cooks. "Don't tell him that or he'll give up looking for a girlfriend once and for all, because he's definitely not letting you go." Before she hits me with the towel she throws at me, I scurry out of the kitchen and go to Hannah's room to say goodbye.
Then I gather up a few things to take to Mal and stuff everything into my bag. I have to pick Mal up from her yoga class and then we drive to her house together - Levin and Autumn should join us shortly afterwards.
Armed with M&M's and chocolate chip cookies, I'm confident enough to leave the house and realize it's going to be a great night.