Kill Me Now

--3: Immortals--

Beep. Beep. Wake the fuck up.

They say we are what we are

But we don't have to be.

Yes we are. Yes we fucking are. We can't change ourselves, no matter how hard we try.

Don't try to hide it, just stop and you won't have to. No on will know you're different if you stop existing.

Fever can't embarrass me if I'm not there to be embarrassed.

Raven can't hate me if I'm not there to be hated.

Monica can't bitch about me if I'm not there to be bitched about.

It would be so much easier...

Woah. Woah there.

Take a pill. Take a fucking antidepressant.

But-

Take it.

I'm bad behaviour,

But I do it in the best way.

I do. I swallow it dry.

Dry is the best way. It burns my throat.

I get out of bed. Ugh. Get dressed. Ugh. Pack bag. Ugh.

Earphones in, music up loud, ignoring the incessant warnings from my phone.

Bus.

BUS.

Shit.

It's just pulled up to the bus stop, and I'm about twenty or so metres away.

I run.

I don't know why- I don't normally run.

I'll be the watcher.

Of the eternal flame.

Miraculously, I make it. I sit at the back. I ignore everyone else.

I'll be the guard dog.

Of all your fever dreams.

Ha. My Fever dreams. Capital F.

Not like that you weirdo. I'm not mentally having sex with her or anything.

Just thinking about her. Completely normal.

Yeah. Completely normal to have romantic thoughts. About a girl.

Oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh.

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hour glass (glass).

Oh-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh.

I try to picture you without me but I can't.

Oh dear God. I need to get her out of my fucking head. Woah.

I swear a LOT more when I'm not on pills. Seriously.

And I swear a hell of a lot anyway.

So fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My head is a mess. All suicide and Fever and shit.

We could be immortals.

Immortals.

But not for long, for long.

I sing along to the chorus of the song, but I realise I'm in a bus. A public space. Everyone's staring at me by the time I stop.

Shit. I look away.