Flawless

00

Evelyn's POV:

March 29, 2012

"Sometimes in the middle of the night I can feel you again. But I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man.. okay yeah that's good, I like that." I say as I put my guitar down and grab the pen laying on the blanket I have played out against the concreted floor. Still humming the harmony in act of remembrance.

I guess this isn't the best way to spend my Thursday night. Drunkenly sitting on the rooftop of the hotel I'm staying at writing songs about my ex boyfriend that dumped me on Valentine's Day a few weeks ago.

Who would've thought? Definitely not me.

I guess I should've known better. Falling into a relationship with a twenty-six year old man at seventeen. Definitely not my best decision.

But in my own defense, I thought I was really was in love. He made me feel like I was. Even if he never actually said it. He showed it. Or at least, I think he did. I don't actually know anymore.

I've never felt this fucked over by a relationship ending. I mean seriously I lost not only my best friend but the one person I had going into the music industry and yet it didn't hurt as much as this. But then again we haven't spoken since the he sent me a "happy  birthday" text. My own boyfriend at the time couldn't even do that.

Speaking of Justin. He's been trying to rekindle our friendship ever since he heard the news of my breakup. Which I'm okay with because he has a new girlfriend and I can't say I don't enjoy it. I've missed his friendship. Before he was anything else he was my best friend and the only person I felt like I could trust going into the industry. I was bound to fall for his stupid charm at an early age but I think it was a defaulted thing. I'm glad he's moved on and met somebody else. I think her names Selena, she seems really nice. I think when we decided to break up I was grieving more of our friendship than our relationship. But other than that he hasn't really tried to talked to me since we broke up almost 7 months ago now, I'm in the same boat. It was mutual breakup, we just didn't have time for eachother anymore and it sucked but it was necessary.

It's fine. I'm fine. I think.

I just feel alone all the time. I love Justin and I'm glad he's trying to reach out again but I also don't want to fall back into old patterns.

My only and best friend Saylor lives in South Carolina and is miles away from me at all times. I miss her so much. But she's finishing up her last year of high school and I couldn't be prouder. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't moved away to Nashville at 15 and hadn't gotten signed to my record label. Maybe I'd still be in South Carolina, in my senior year of high school with Saylor, joining student council again, worrying about finals, studying in our rooms all day and night, dating boys on the football team and giving our teachers nicknames all year round. Sometimes, just sometimes I wonder how different my life could be. But then I have to remind myself that just because things could've been different doesn't always mean they'd be better. Now, as an eighteen year old who moved to New York City and has three albums released currently working on my fourth, the worry's I have linger on the quality of my work, the affect of impact it will have on my career moving forward, and the way it's going to be perceived by the world. I honestly don't know if it's much better. But it's what I'm passionate about and Its what I love doing. I just wish it was under different circumstances.

It doesn't help that my manager Scooter is constantly comparing my work and success to Justin's. As if I didn't help that man get his job in the first place. Like sorry but wasn't I the one performing at cafes to get extra money for the business you worked at to invest in me and my career? Yet now he has a brand new money maker so he kicks me to the curb but still makes me work twice as hard for nothing but the spare change in his pocket and sake of his ridiculous reputation.