Santino Martinelli

22.

My days are spent with me in the dark of our cold mansion , i couldn't bring myself to eat nor sleep and it caused me to be sicker then ever .

My stomach was the size of a basketball and sometimes i felt the hard kick of my baby girl and it saddens me that my husband isn't here to feel those loving kicks .

I cried myself to sleep every night and i couldn't stand the sight of my hands although they weren't bloody anymore i still couldn't get the image of my lovers blood covering my hands it sickened me and so i started to cut .

My hands hurt whenever i moved them due to the small slices that i placed there , it was the only thing that numbed my pain but now a days that wasn't working either .

"I'm sorry" i mumbled as my hands rubbed against my large belly , i felt like the worse parent ever and my child wasn't even here yet . I thought about offing myself everyday because i knew there was a chance that Tino wouldn't come back .

The doctors said that he has a ten percent chance of living since the bullet grazed his heart when i heard the news i fainted and woke back up in my home with Christian on side of me .

The guys has been trying to help me as much as they could , they even stopped by everyday to try to feed me but nothing would stay down even when i wanted it to . My mother and father tried but as much as i wanted to feel better i know that wouldn't happen unless Santino was beside me .

He's not suppose to give up on me , he promised that he'd never leave me but that's what he was doing . It's been five months and still no progress on his health we have tried everything , we even moved him to a different city but when things didn't work out we came back to Italy .

How would i be able to live life knowing the bullet that hit him was meant for me , that night none of us noticed that i was the target hell i thought the night was going smoothly until i heard the gunshot .

"Keep living" Tino had whispered to me before his eyes closed , he made me promise him that i would but now a days i wanted to break that promise , i couldn't live like this i couldn't stop the hurt so much so that it became physical.

When i heard the multiple footsteps that belonged to the Martinelli brothers i buried myself back under the covers i really didn't feel like being bothered .

"We have to get him out the house Santino wouldn't want him cooped up everyday" i heard one of them say in a harsh whisper "let me try" one of them said before the room door was opening .

"Santi" my body froze at the voice , i hated him and i didn't want to see him "Marco get out" i harshly whispered my voice was so horse from not using it , today was the first day that i have said anything .

I couldn't stand the sight of Marco he looked so much like Santino to the point it hurt so much to even look at him , i didn't want to look at him it pained me so much to do so .

"You have to get up Santi it's not good for the baby" he tried to reason and he was right but i just couldn't find the energy to do it "please Santi we haven't checked on the baby for months , you either get up or i'll be forced to make you" i groaned then pulled the covers off of me i needed to check on my baby girl i was neglectful already and she wasn't even here yet .

"I'm sorry" i told him as he helped me lean up in bed but i kept my eyes down , i didn't want to look at him Marco was like a carbon copy of Santino only difference was Marco was younger i swear if the two man were the same age people would think they're twins .

"I picked out clothes Seb is going to help you" i shook my head "can you" i asked him and he frowned and scratched at his head "uh —no— i mean yeah i can —-of course"

After helping me get dressed the four of us headed to my ultrasound appointment "which one of you are the father" the nurse asked as her eyes scanned over the big men that were currently taking up all the space in the small room .

"We all are" they said in union which almost made me crack a smile.

After applying the cold jelly onto my stomach she placed the transducer on my stomach them moved it around a couple of times before we heard the loud heartbeat of my baby girl "wow you have a healthy big baby girl" the nurse said giggling as she gave us different views of my baby .

She printed out pictures for each of us before giving me prenatal vitamins and then telling me what i needed to eat and drink .

"Are you hungry" Mareno asked as his hand rubbed across my belly it was soothing and i really appreciated the action "yes but i can't eat" i told him as i laid my head against the headrest of the truck .

We were on the way to McDonald's Christian claims i'll be able to eat it but i wasn't so sure i haven't been able to get much down these last few months .

Christian was correct when he said i'd be able to eat the McDonald's, I didn't notice how hungry i was until the burgers were in my face "slow down" Marco said for the third time and i glared at him i wish he just be quiet and let me eat instead of hovering .