Dear Jewel

D.D#3

6.06am
2nd October 2024

|ONE LAST TIME|

Dear Jewel,

This might be the last time you hear from me again. You've become a good friend and you never left...

The voices are getting louder, I don't know why.

I keep switching in and out of my personalities, and I'm so confused. Even my family is getting confused.

... there's something obviously wrong with me... but is it sickening to know that I enjoy the presence of the voices cause I can tell them anything?

They aren't voices... I won't call them that... For awhile, I believed they were real people.... it wasn't until a year or 2 ago that someone asked who I was talking to since I didn't normally see them all the time in public places, mostly at home. I told them a friend and gestured to Zoe... I was labelled a freak, weirdo, and a crazy person.

:) I smiled, but I was dying. Still am.

So yeah, they are friends, family even. When I need help, they're there to guide me. But I dont know what's wrong!! I keep taking a backseat and let them control me when I can't. Sometimes I don't even know when they do, and it's scary, but I let them cause I cant-- lose... them...

Fuck... how messed up am I to give into my own mind?
I can't do it anymore.

But y'know what?
I'll leave and change everything. Start afresh irl and in my second life on wattpad. Y'know it's become an escapist fantasy for me.

Knowing others can accept me for me, but I'm scared to let them in so I don't push them away.

I'll probably always have them - the voices - with me, but the funny thing is... I can't just let them disappear. I love who I am... as an individual. The only thing I can do is to make sure I learn how to control my personalities and stick with one. Me. And I'm going to find me and then I'll come back. One day.

I'll learn to let go cause sometimes even your favourite item can't last forever. The best thing to do is to put one foot forward and move onward...

So, one last time...

Hi, I'm Nutella.. a cosmic entity who doesn't know who or what they are and where they fit in society.
But that's okay. You don't always have to fit in... you have to stick out of the crowd and embrace your uniqueness.

It's how I know myself. I'm still trying to find myself and control my personalities. But I know one day I will.

It won't be easy, but I'll be persistent.

If you're reading this, I've begun my path to discovery, and you might never meet me again. Maybe in another account. These are my thoughts, not all of them... but I want you to know that you too belong in a crowd and if you can't find it, find yours! Make your own and welcome in others..  isn't that why we're here? Building communities, forging friendships, and finding a place of belonging?

In order for me to start anew... I think it's time I let go. Because... now I know  it's okay not to be okay.

The one thing you can do for me is... try not to forget me, kay?
Remember that one person who wouldn't stop raving about Nutella whenever you look at a Nutella jar. When you look at the stars, remember there is always a cosmic entity that wishes you well, watching over you.
When you feel alone, remember that I love you and will never want you to feel like there's no hope, cause... it's one of the worst feelings to have... I know. And remember that one person who'd never hesitate to give you a hug or give you advice in times of need when you aren't sure or just need one. Just remember... okay?

I haven't yet given everyone my goodbyes, individually to the people that matter most to me. But as time goes and you receive the red rose and the letter attached. Its my last goodbye to the world.

Edit: You'll sorta be talking to my ghost if I do respond. You know, when you die, your soul doesn't leave to the afterlife completely. I'll still be delivering the messages finishing my life from here and then moving on finally to the next one.

I think it's time up now, but remember you're special...

Cause in a bazillion ways or alternate universes, you will always be you. And I will always be me.

I'll see you soon in another time or life, one last time, my Nutella scoops.

It's time for me to... fly high :]

♡☆
/\/\/\/\/\
Nutella 5.02pm