Princess of Roses

Chapter 18: Genevieve

Astri

"Always doing what you want, not giving a single thought to how it will affect others."The words sting in a way I didn't think they would. An ache in my chest as I recall the look in his eyes as he said them. The pain and the anger, yes. But more the tears welling in them as well that I'm sure he didn't even realise were there.

"Did you think I was happy?"If I'm being perfectly honest, I thought he was. Maybe not at first, when I thought he'd be full of rage forever. But after he'd calmed down and tried to move on with someone, I had thought he was happy. He certainly looked happy when he was talking to them.

I thought those smiles on his face as he talked to them was because he was happy. That was why I why I started to spend less time around him in those moments. I may not remember everything clearly, but I remember that. Remember the way his eyes would light up when he spoke.

If he wasn't happy, as he said, then why did he have that glow in his eyes? Surely he's not just saying that to placate me in some way. I don't need it. I was glad that he was trying to move on. As difficult as the experience was, it was much worse to see him as a shell of himself.

So, to have him say that wasn't the case is a jab to the chest. What even was the point then? What was the point of all the dates and heartache on her end if he wasn't happy? There wasn't any. And that was much worse than him simply just moving on.

Taking a sip of water, I try to ignore the storm of emotions in my chest. Many of his others reverberating in my mind. Everything he said to be exact. And I don't know how to feel about it. Because the worst part was that he had a point.

I wish he didn't. I wish that it was only anger-induced words with no truth. That would be easier to digest. I wouldn't be stuck with a thousand could-have-been moments if there wasn't any truth to them.

Telling Hades to send him a message would have been a smart move. A good move. Even if it took me a few decades to be able to communicate in a way that mattered, it would have still worked. I suppose the problem is that there was no point by then.

No. The real problem, I reflect, was that I was afraid. Afraid that he'd never forgive me for making his life such a mess. For leaving him behind. That he would say everything he said today and more. But having it come true wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.

There is still an ache. A pain in my chest and a whole storm of unease in my chest, but it isn't because of the words. I can admit that much. It's because they make me feel like I made the wrong decision. Although, hadn't I had that thought many times over my centuries as a ghost?

Theo is right. I should have talked to him. It was wrong to just make the decision and say nothing to him. But I already knew it was a selfish decision. One made in desperation, but a selfishly cruel decision all the same. And I don't know how to fix it.

Do I even need to? After all, I'm not the only one who made a mistake.

Isn't he the one who caused the destruction? Didn't he refuse to go down to the underworld and see his father or even speak to him for so long. A spark of rage goes through me at the reminder of the way he would rip up his letters or only go down to the underworld when Hades wasn't there. It disappears as soon as it came when I meet his eyes.

Averting my gaze, I take a bite of the pasta in front of me. The sound of conversation serving as a backdrop, muffled and hazy. Hopefully they don't notice how tense I am.

Theo doesn't look bothered by our argument at all. How can he sit there and act like nothing happened? It makes me have an irrational urge to kick him under the table. But that would be entirely immature and I don't want to spoil Cylen's day with his parents.