Between Heaven and Earth

Chapter Two

I don't remember how I got home. I heard Lewis, upstairs.

My heart races. Panic flows. I can't stand, so I sit upon a chair in the dining room, looking at the piles of washing. 

The man in the shop is still on my mind. How could he move through solid bodies, like he was invisible. If he was invisible, why could I see him? Why was he watching me? Was he real? A ghost? I never believed in spirits before, yet - he stood there watching me. Could he see me?

Maybe I  am just tired? And that is why I saw him. Hallucinating.  And I am tired. I'm not even sure of the last time I had slept through the night. I try to rest. I go through the motions of going to bed. I lay there awake, staring at the bedroom window. watching the moonlight cast  its silver shadows through the curtains. Waiting, hoping that my mind would quieten  and  would drift silently into the dream world. 

How could I when most of the time, the fear of sleep washes through me, leaving me too afraid to close my eyes. Dreams had become vivid at first and then, a little too real  - scary real. I had started seeing the things in the dreams after I had woken up. There they were in the room with me after I had opened my eyes.

Sometimes they were just people or animals, and they weren't too bad, I could cope with that. It was the other stuff that bothered me the most.

Creatures that were not of this world with huge teeth and long knifes for fingernails. Nightmares came to life right in front of me. I sat there looking, frozen in fear. Unable to speak, to move or even scream. 

They had actually followed me through a dream window and stood over the bed, with their razor-sharp teeth snarling in a wide open mouth, ready to bite into my flesh and eat me alive - And who in their right mind could want to sleep after that?

I can't talk about it. I can't say anything. He - the one who looks after me,  he says I'm crazy. Is he right? Am I in my right mind? How could I be sure?

I want to cry again. Demons with knife-like finger nails. I knew dreams. Dreams ended when you open your eyes and that is how you escape. They cannot not follow you into your-waking world. It was a rule, wasn't it? Dream states, rem sleep, vivid dreams...I had studied them, as a way of understanding what was happening to me. An interest, an obsession; learning about dream interpretations, all to educate. A way of somehow understanding what was happening - and why.

Seeing dream creatures when you know you are awake is madness! I did actually believe they were going to kill me. I recall part of me screaming out, 'I need help!' and feeling like a child lost in the woods. But - I am not a child. I am a fully-grown woman, with responsibilities and a family of my own. 

I could hear myself thinking it and want to cringe at the very thought of telling anyone else about that. So I remain quiet about that too.

Someone had said, or I had read it somewhere, that 'people who question their sanity are sane and people who accept it as part of their daily life are not.' So, if I knew all this was crazy, does it mean I'm not? 

Am I hallucinating? But again, I knew they were hallucinations and people generally think that they are real too. Don't they?

"Madness." The man's voice told me, "Shear madness. What was that, Kirsty? Why did you leave town?" 

"Go away." I whisper. 

"You'll never work it out, so forget it! I don't know why I bother."

My body begins to shake violently. I cannot control it. My head begins to spin and I drop to the floor. 

                                                                                   *

I stand in the hall. My head spins. My muscles are shaking. I lean forward until my body rests upon the wall. I know this house. It's mum and dad's. How did I get here? I try to remember travelling on a bus, or getting a taxi, but my mind draws a blank. It was as though I had been teleported. 

Had someone heard me? I listen carefully for the sound of voices - conversations between members of my family who could be talking about me, giving me a clue to how I arrived here. But there is nothing. They laugh and giggle in the front room. 

I hear a man say, "Are you okay love," and "I don't think she can hear me." 

No! I am not okay. I'm losing my mind and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Prayers didn't work. God wasn't listening. I am trapped in a world of confusion, destined for crazy town and there is nothing I could do about it.

Stop talking to me, you're not real! I cry in desperation for it to end. But the ones who asked, shook their heads, turn and vanish before my eyes. 

"I'm not well," I offer loudly, as a way of explanation - a plea for help.

I move around the door frame, easing my body forward. The room is full of family members; mum, dad, sisters, partners, uncles and aunties. I look from one to another. No one heard my voice. I sit upon the sofa.

 I remember saying, I'm not well. No one seemed to have heard me. Drinks line up upon the floor and fireplace. I glance around and try again. "Help me."

No one hears. I wonder if I am speaking aloud. I think their voices may be too loud and I am saying these words, but not over theirs. I try to rise from the sofa, but there is something wrong with my legs. They feel heavy, numb and there is a tingling sensation like the start of pins and needles. Then, the head ache came back. My mind becomes blank like someone erasing every thought.

I see two figures stood by the fire place and their bodies are blurry. They seem to be talking amongst themselves and looking back towards me.

I listen carefully until I hear the words. My God! I recognise their voices. I cant believe my ears and strain to see them more clearly.

Everyone in the room becomes distant from me as I focus my attentions upon the two people in front.

I feel fear and a high excitement as their bodies come clear. My grand parents. I can see my grand father. They both passed away fifteen years ago, yet they are here. Stood talking right in front of me, looking concerned and worried.

Grandfather walks over. The man who talks to me, sees them too.
" I'm glad your here," he says quietly.

They talk about me. I know they are. They all turn to face me, like I have three heads.

Grandmother is looking at me. She moves closer.

"Kirsty." Her voice is clear and controlled, with hints of concern and I knew she meant it. "You are ill. You need to go to hospital now."

My vision blurs. My mind goes blank and slowly, everything around me is engulfed by darkness.