Eyed Well

5: tell me and let go

The whole drive home mark kept on asking me about what happened, I told him I was unconscious most of the time.

And that I saw the masked man trying to threaten us with a knife. Or make me suck on a knife.

I was truly triggered about how he stole my ability to stand up for myself, be a fucking pain in the ass.

He made me feel so pathetic, humiliated, powerless and full of desire.

It was 2 am, I couldn't sleep at all, I felt that there was something in my body refusing for me to sleep, I kept throwing the blanket off of me and going to get water.

Every single time I just would feel sleepy for 2 to 3 minutes then the image of his dark sillute towering over my tied up body.

I felt like he was tied to my mind, I didn't know how to sleep at all, I gave up then took out a notebook with a dark blue colored pen.

I started pouring the ink into the pages of the paper filling my thoughts emotions on it, the paper crumbling its heart to death.

His voice rumbles thru my mind echoing so many times, to the point I realize my grip on the pen is so tight I almost let the ink fly into my fingers and nails.

I breathe deeply and begin to write again, I don't try to take his image off of my mind but try to place it into paper, but when I read it, my lips gasp.

I had wrote every word he said to me, I had memorized ever single detail about every single word he had said to me, the pen had followed my fingers into writing things only about him, and him only.

Slamming the notebook shut them dropping it onto the table, I go to pick up my phone and call Rose.

Rose is one of mark and I's friends, we've been friends since middle school, she was the bad influence on everyone of our friends.

Always and I mean always she could make anyone laugh so fast, but she also was the most comforting person ever, if you need someone to take care of you she was the person to do that.

She would literally hold you for hours, know when to speak and when to listen, when to give advice when to care, she was just like the mother of the friend group.

The mother I needed growing up.

And right now I just need to take a breath, rest my head on her lap while I tell her all the things I want to tell her, want.

She answers after the fourth ring. "Hey girl." She sounded exhausted, I felt that I should take it back and just bottle it inside of myself like always, so I don't add pressure to her, she truly has the most stress out of everyone in the group, yet she still drowns in an ocean of your tears and swim thru all of it just to make you feel better, she will do it over and I've again until you believe her, until she drowns.

"Are you ok?" I ask to make sure I can tell her the things I want to tell her, she takes a sigh and goes silent for a little while. "I am, it's just a lot of things are happening right now, you know good and bad." She lets a little chuckle escape. "Yeah but to be honest it's not even that important." I wanted so badly to tell her it was nothing and I was just bored.

But when I read the notebook that is now resting on my lap I truly couldn't hold it in me anymore. "I need talk to you." I whisper so lightly, biting my nails.

I could hear her pick herself off of her spinning chair. "Is everything ok?" I shake my head like she can see me swallow my lips trying to stop them from trembling. "not really, no."

"I'm on my way girl." She hangs up, I bury my face in my hands begging that this man will leave my mind, he's left my life and only entered it for a few minutes.