From Darkness to Light: She Taught Me to Love Myself.

7: Reflections Of Insecurities

Niki spent the weekend in a haze, replaying the events of Friday over and over in her mind. The image of Ari standing there, tears brimming in her eyes, haunted her. It was a stark reminder that her journey toward redemption was far from over.

As Monday rolled around, Niki forced herself to get up and face the day. She looked in the mirror, her reflection staring back at her with puffy eyes and a weary expression. She straightened her hair and applied her makeup, trying to present the best version of herself—someone who deserved to be forgiven. But the longer she stared, the more she couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy.

When she arrived at school, the halls buzzed with chatter and laughter. But all Niki could think about was Ari and how she hadn't forgiven her yet. The memory of her friend's disappointment loomed heavily over her.

During their first class, Niki found herself sitting next to a girl named Jenna, who effortlessly drew attention with her long, thick hair and curves that seemed to sway in every movement. Niki noticed how the boys leaned in closer, eyes wide with admiration, their conversations laced with compliments.

At that moment, jealousy bubbled within her. Why couldn't she be like Jenna? Her lips were fuller, her thighs shapelier, and her confidence radiated like a bright light in the room. Niki caught herself glancing down at her own reflection in the polished desk—her lips too thin, her hips too straight. A sense of inferiority washed over her, and she felt the familiar sting of inadequacy creeping in.

As the day went on, Niki couldn't help but compare herself to the other girls around her. In gym class, she watched as Mia sprinted across the track, her toned legs gliding with ease. The way she moved was graceful and strong, and Niki felt a pang of jealousy slice through her.

Why can't I look like that? Niki thought, biting her lip as she stared at her own legs, feeling self-conscious in her shorts.

During lunch, she spotted a group of girls laughing together, their bright smiles and infectious energy drawing in more attention than she could stand. They were beautiful—so effortlessly captivating that Niki felt invisible in their presence. It was as if she were a ghost, lingering in the background while the world revolved around them.

As she picked at her food, she tried to push the thoughts aside. But they clung to her like shadows, whispering that Ari wouldn't forgive her because of how she looked, not just because of the hurt she had caused. What if Ari saw those girls and realized that she deserved better?

Her heart sank at the thought. Niki had spent years curating her image, using her popularity as a shield against her own insecurities. But now, with Ari's friendship on the line, she couldn't shake the feeling that she needed to be more than just the "mean girl"—she needed to be desirable, to fit the mold of perfection she saw around her.

That afternoon in drama class, the teacher assigned a scene that required pairs to work together. Niki's heart raced when she noticed that Ari had paired up with another girl, someone who was confident and outgoing. The way they laughed together struck a chord in Niki, fueling her jealousy further. She could feel the weight of her inadequacies pressing down on her as she rehearsed her lines, watching from a distance.

In the midst of rehearsing her scene, Niki felt a wave of determination wash over her. Maybe if she could change herself—maybe if she could become the girl she envied—Ari would forgive her. It was a twisted thought, but it began to take root. She started mentally planning ways to enhance her looks, to transform herself into someone worthy of forgiveness, someone who wouldn't be overlooked.

As the class ended, Niki walked down the hallway, her mind racing with possibilities. But even as she plotted her transformation, a small voice in the back of her mind whispered doubts. Would changing her appearance really change how Ari felt?