After the whirlwind of emotions I had experienced with Jake, reality began to settle in. I realized that I couldn’t ignore Imogen any longer. I had to confront her about what had happened between Jake and me. I felt a mix of anxiety and dread, knowing that this conversation could change everything.
Later that day, I found myself standing outside Imogen’s apartment, my heart racing. Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, the sound echoing in the hallway. Moments later, she opened it, her expression shifting from surprise to anger in an instant.
“What do you want, Eli?” she snapped, her voice cold.
I felt the weight of her hostility like a punch to the gut. “I need to talk to you about everything,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.
She crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe. “I don’t think there’s anything to discuss. You and Jake? Really? After everything we’ve been through?”
“I know it’s complicated,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. “But I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. Jake and I… it just happened.”
Imogen scoffed, her eyes narrowing. “You think that makes it okay? You think I can just stand by and watch you two pretend like I don’t exist? You just threw everything away.”
“I never meant to hurt you, Imogen,” I pleaded, taking a step closer. “You mean a lot to me. I didn’t want to choose between you and Jake. But things changed, and I had to follow my heart.”
“Your heart?” she laughed bitterly. “You think you can just drop me and run off with him? I will never forgive you for this, Eli. You’ve betrayed me.”
The words hit hard, each one slicing through me like glass. “I’m sorry,” I said, desperation creeping into my voice. “I never wanted to hurt you. But I can’t pretend that what I feel for Jake isn’t real.”
“For weeks, you ghosted me,” she said, her voice trembling with anger. “I thought you were my friend. You just vanished when I needed you the most.”
“I know, and I regret that. I was confused,” I admitted, guilt washing over me. “After everything with Max, I didn’t know how to process my feelings. Jake was there for me when I felt lost. We started to talk more, and then one thing led to another.”
“Great, so you just used me as a backup?” she shot back, hurt flashing in her eyes. “That’s what you’re telling me?”
“No! It wasn’t like that!” I pleaded. “You mean too much to me to think of you as a backup. I just… I was scared of losing both of you. I didn’t know how to handle everything.”
Imogen’s eyes softened slightly, but the anger was still there. “You think I can just forgive you because you’re confused? That’s not how it works, Eli.”
“I know that now. I should have communicated better,” I replied, my heart heavy. “I should have been honest with you. I didn’t mean to ghost you. I just didn’t know what to say. I felt trapped between my past and what I wanted.”
“Then why didn’t you just tell me?” she asked, her voice lowering slightly.
“Because I was afraid,” I confessed. “Afraid of your reaction, afraid of losing you, afraid of being vulnerable again after everything with Max. But I should have trusted you, and I’m so sorry for that.”
For a moment, we stood there, the silence stretching between us like a chasm. I could see the hurt in her eyes, and it tore me apart. I had never wanted to lose her friendship, but I knew I had to be honest about my feelings.
“You’ll regret this,” she said finally, her voice low and cold. “You’ll see that he’s not worth it.”
“Imogen…” I started, but she cut me off.
YOU ARE READING
Man
Ficción GeneralEli, reflects on his journey as a bisexual transman. He is content with how far he's come but still struggles with the aspects of his body that don't align with his gender identity. One night, during an emotional moment, he makes a wish for his body...
