The Wild Side | Stiles Stilinski | One

34 - Crash And Burn

The atmosphere in the car on the way to the mall was much more cheerful than it had been on our way to the woods. Allison put the radio on so we could all sing and chat about what we were looking for in dresses. Or rather, Lydia talked about what she would be looking for in dresses for each of us, and Allison and I partially listened.

One thing that had changed from our first girls' night was that Lydia was suddenly single too. We were all a little sadder, but at least we were avoiding the topic of boys together. We were free to talk about dresses and music, movies and gossip, all without trying to keep one another in check. It was liberating.

At least, it was until we actually started trying on clothes. As I'd predicted, Lydia looked gorgeous in every dress she tried on. Yet again, I found myself grateful for Allison, who seemed just as frustrated by Lydia's beauty as I was. Allison was stunning, of course, but like me, she was critical of herself. She would frown in the mirror, turning back and forth as she scrutinized her arms and legs in the reflection, then discard each dress as another failed attempt.

It made me feel a little better to know that I wasn't the only one struggling. Then I'd immediately feel worse, because I didn't want Allison to struggle. I wasn't happy because she was upset; I was just relieved to know that I wasn't alone. Lydia's biggest problem was choosing which dress looked the best out of a hundred fabulous options. Meanwhile, every time I looked in the mirror, I was hearing the sneering words from my dream: "You're never going to be enough."

I tried to keep Kate's advice in mind. Every time my brain got too loud, I would glower at myself in the mirror and scream back: "Your looks are a weapon, just like a gun. If you're scared of them, you'll never look good. So own it."

My reflection stared back at me, thoroughly unimpressed. My eyes were tired and vacant from lack of sleep. I'd barely gotten my shoulder brace off, finally stopped worrying about the cuts on my face, and now I had bandages on my arm from Peter's claws. I wanted to keep an open mind, to stop being so weak and scared, but my feeble attempt at confidence was more exhausting than anything else.

After four hours of trying on dresses, I was fed up and needed a break. Allison must have sensed that I'd reached my breaking point, because she quickly suggested that we meet Lydia at the food court after she was done. Lydia waved us off with a pile of green dresses in her arm and flounced off to the dressing room. Allison and I bolted before she could change her mind.

I felt better away from all the shimmering fabrics. Allison and I ordered burgers and fries and sodas, and retreated to a small table in the corner to eat. I could still feel the unhappy tug in my stomach, but at least with piles of junk food I could pass it off as indigestion.

"Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something," Allison said nervously, breaking our munchie silence.

I raised an eyebrow and stuffed two or three fries in my mouth. "Wha'bout?"

Allison grinned at my antics, but sobered as she turned back to the topic at hand.

"It's...it's about my family."

That certainly caught my attention. I swallowed the fries and pushed my food aside, taking one last sip of my soda before turning to give her my full attention. Allison smiled gratefully.

"It's just...I know it sounds really weird. Everything about it is really weird, but...I trust your opinion, and I wanted to know what you'd think."

"Okay," I agreed, nodding. "What's up?"

"Ha. I don't even know where to start..." She hesitated a moment longer, chewing on her bottom lip. "It's probably nothing, so you don't have to point out that I'm being paranoid or whatever. I know I'm probably wrong and I'm just being stupid—"