this is a book from a girl named Kira she is a big fan of billie and she is in love with billie .
will she ever meet her or will she ever fight against her mental illness?
read this book so you can know
little sneak peak (wlw) hope you guys like th...
Hi I am girl named Kira. I struggle with lot of things like sh and depression but lot more my parents yell each other everyday and my siblings are too busy to even say hi to me. So here I am. Only thing I have is billie. She is my lifesaver. I never met her but I been fan since 2017. She is now at her tour I didn't get tickets cause my parents just yelled at me I was a selfish bitch. So now I am laying on my bed crying. I am thinking relapsing again. They don't know about my little secret. They are too busy or always yelling each other to listen to me. When I am older I wanna move to LA to see billie. I am still stuck here I need money. A lot of money and then I need a job from there. I don't have any friends. Billie is my only friend. I am at film school right now only couple of months then I can move our or I be kick out of the house when I turn 18 so happy for me. I stopped writing my diary and hears my mom say kids come eat now! Ugh I can't. Eating makes me feel sick. I went downstairs. Hey mom I will go out so I will skip now so bye. I say. That is not a full lie. I am actually going out but I am not gonna eat at all just skip the meal and family time. I went outside. Ohh I love nature. I walk around the park listening music and trying to burn so many calories as I can. After 1 hour I came back I was exhausted. I went to my room. Then I heard yelling. I just wanted to escape the world. So I took my phone and my headphones and put on. Billie eilish I love you. My heart song. I listened it when I did my first attempt it didn't work. I took under my bed a box. I opened it there were a couple notes a math exam bandages a couple of pads and under it was three little blades. I pick one and put it to my skin. I can feel the cuts fill with blood. I am sad, but happy to hurt myself. I think hmm maybe a couple more. The couple is actually 13 cuts on my wrist. They fill with blood. Are they deep enough? What if the don't leave a scar? I love when I go deep one of them is deep. It bleeds like hell and hurts too. I clean myself and put on bandage. I hide the bloody papers and the blades. I put it under my bed again pull my sleeve down and go to bed. Crying. Again. It's rare to see me cry infront of people. Now I am crying of the pain and how empty I feel. I don't know how I can survive this year. In this little shit city in California. Yes I do live in California but I live in greenfield. Shitty city. After 3 hours I fall asleep while billie is singing me her songs on my headphones. At the morning I wake up. Shitty day. Before I said I was at film school. Yeah I am but I am home schooled. I get out of the bed go to the bathroom and look myself. I look death. I take a shower and get out went back to my room. My cuts still bleed. I lay to bed and listen billie. I just want peace from being yelled at and being ignored. I want friends. Then I see billie posted something on her ig. I open ig but nothing came. Hmm that is weird. I look if my ig is just trolling me or something. No nothing. Then I saw a message. I go there and saw that BILLIE RESPONDED TO THE DMS I SEND HER 3 MONTHS AGO. I look at it in shock. I didn't even open it yet. I open it. I saw she wrote a whole story. I am so happy right now in months.
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Omg I am so happy right now. I am gonna add billie. After couple minutes billie added me back.
BILSS:) Billie: hi beautiful are you okay I saw your message on ig you are not fine tell me what is wrong
Me: I am fine now it was three months ago like I wanna meet you sorry but I am just so big fan girl I wanna meet you so so fucking bad but I live in a shitty city:( Billie: where do you live do we live close or like other side of the world what is the time there?? Me: I live in greenfield. Fuck this place I hate this but I live in California but never been your concert so shitty in here
Billie: oh in greenfield it sounds nice place I wanna go there did you got any tickets to my concert??:p
Me: no sadly I don't have that kind of money right now only dream is to even hear you in live so I am sad right now
Billie: oh I am so sorry I promise you will see me someday but I will go sleep now it's like 9pm and in tour bus I wanna get good sleep so I don't be mad all dayy:D
Me: oh yeah ofc good night billie<3
Billie: before I go to sleep I wanna know your name:)
Me: oh yeah ofc I forgot to tell but my name is Kira and I forgot my age too I am 17 soon 18
Billie: oh nice name well I am billie as you know alright I am gonna go sleep so good night you too kira<3
I just stare at my phone. I am so happy right now. I think I need to go sleep now. I feel I need to relapse. I don't wanna tell billie. I got off my bed and take the box. I take out the blade and put it against my wrist. Oh it felt good to see fresh blood going down my arm. I need to go deeper. I go deeper. I clean myself after 10 more cuts. I put the blade back and bandages. Then I put it back to under my bed and pull my sleeve down. Then I go to sleep...
First chapter guyss😭😭
A/n idk how I feel about this first chapter it's bit bad but ugh I don't care it's like 6.30pm now I just need to check everything is good and put it outtt billie is my life saver and I wanna say at the end I don't know when i am gonna update maybe after school tomorrow so yeah
