cringe y/n story (SATIRE)))

chapter 4: y/n goes to a horrible party

Now that I was an orphan, I could go to parties, and I didn't have to eat my mom's dogshit pancakes anymore! 

Too bad I'm never invited to parties...no one really likes me...

Until today. Jakey was having a party this weekend, and I got a message from Grindr. 

BIGDADDYJAKEY: heyyyy it's me jakeydoo do u wanna cum 2 my partie 2nite

I did!!!!

petitegirl: yes yes yes!!!! my mom blew up so im free!

BIGDADDYJAKEY: ok cool 

BIGDADDYJAKEY: my adress is 69420 streetname avenue it starts at 7

petitegirl: yay!!! see u then!!!

I was so excited! I pulled my favorite purple dress out of my ass and put it on right there in the street. 

I never looked better. Because there's a rip in time and space in my butthole, I just teleported to the party.

(author was too lazy to write the time passing sry)

***7 PM***

DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONGDING

I love ringing doorbells. It's my favorite thing.... besides scratching my vachina of course.

The door swung open, and all of a sudden there was a tornado!! Oh wait...it was just the draft. Reminder: I'm so small, I'm 1'4 and weigh eight pounds. 

I was greeted by Jakey, who was shirtless and looked like an alpha. His big strong muscles were so big and shiny and bulging, I wanted to bite them...like a big.... caramel.... apple......

"Hi y/n! Glad you could come! I can't, I have erectile dysfunction." Jakey announced proudly. He's so hot. 

His luscious brown hair shook as he laughed. "Tah ha ha ha" That's how he laughs. I liked his laugh, it was so manly. 

"Come inside, everyone is here!" He spoke. I gulped. Everyone? I'm usually alone. I shrugged it off and walked in, so Jakey thinks I'm hot too. 

I saw Brenda (that fucking bitch.) twerking on the dancefloor, her chipmunk looking ass. She such a hoe. I'm not like other girls, so I don't really dance. 

But then...my favorite song came on!

It was KARMA BY JOJO SIWA!

I sang loud and proud to MY national anthem. 

"KARMAS A BITCH! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER! IF I HAD A WISH I WOULDA NEVER EFFED AROUND! WHEN I SAW THE PICS OF YOU AND HER I FELT THE KNIFE TWIST! KARMAS A BITCH! AND SHE'S WITH YOU RIGHT NOW! wOAH OH-"

I didn't notice it, but all of the music had stopped! I thought I couldn't hear anything cause I was living in the moment, but turned out I accidentially tripped on the power cord! EVERYONE HEARD ME SINGING!!!!!!

Everyone was staring at me, even Jakey and Brenda (fuck that hoe). 

I started breathing heavily- I'm not even a good singer! I heard a cough from the audience. 

*cough cough*

I was so embarassed! I ran out of there as fast as I could, my long hair blowing behind me in the wind and my dress (the one I pulled out of my ass) fluttered. 

I'm never going to a party again.

AUTHORS NOTE:

hiii hope you guys liked it. my life is in shambles i was hit by a bus, two cars, four bikers and one airplane in the timespan of thirty minutes. but i had to update. keep yall invested. im in the hospital and paralyzed using text to speech