Scars Beneath Silence

Chapter 19

I made my way up the hill, the path now so familiar I could probably walk it blindfolded. The cool breeze brushed against my face, and the warm sun overhead felt like a comforting hand on my shoulder. Wednesdays had become something to look forward to—a brief escape from everything weighing me down. It was my chance to see Philip, to forget about all the expectations, and just be... me.

As I neared the top, I saw him sitting on a rock, waiting for me. I had to stifle a laugh because, as usual, Philip was wearing that ridiculous dress. The same one he always wore when we met, pretending to blend in with the women of the community. He stood out, of course, but something about it had grown on me. It was almost endearing in a silly way.

"Still rocking the dress, I see," I called out as I approached, a smirk tugging at my lips.

Philip turned to me, grinning wide, and twirled dramatically, letting the skirt flare out. "You like it? I think it suits me," he teased, striking a mock model pose with his hand on his hip.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh yes, very fetching. You know, you might just start a new trend in the community. Soon, all the men will be wearing dresses."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Hey, at least I'm committed to the disguise. You should appreciate the effort."

"I do, I do," I said, still laughing. "But seriously, don't you think it's time to retire that thing? I mean, if I've gotten used to it, others might start noticing too."

He shrugged, but there was a playful glint in his eye. "I dunno, I think I look pretty good in this. Besides, it's practical for our meetings. No one suspects a thing."

I crossed my arms, still grinning. "Well, except maybe that hem. It's not very flattering on you. You might want to ask your sister for some tips."

Philip laughed, the sound light and carefree, something I hadn't heard in a while. It made my chest feel a little lighter, too. It had been so long since we could joke like this. With everything going on—my family, the letters, the secrets—sometimes it felt like I was drowning. But here, with Philip, it was like the world stopped spinning for just a little while.

I plopped down next to him, nudging his shoulder with mine. "You're really committed to the act, aren't you?"

"Hey, if I'm gonna sneak around, I might as well have a little fun with it," he said with a grin, adjusting the collar of the dress like he was fixing a suit jacket. "Besides, it's kind of liberating."

I raised an eyebrow. "Liberating? You in a dress?"

He gave me a mock-serious look. "You don't know the half of it. Dresses are way more comfortable than what I usually wear. No wonder you girls love them."

"Yeah, well, maybe you should try heels next. That'll really complete the look," I shot back, giving him a playful shove.

He laughed again, and the sound of it felt like sunlight after a long, cold winter. It was moments like these that reminded me of why I cared for him so much. He wasn't like the other boys in our community—so serious, so afraid of stepping out of line. With Philip, there was freedom, a chance to be real.

We sat there for a while, letting the silence stretch out between us, but it wasn't the heavy kind of silence. It was comfortable, like we didn't need to say anything to understand each other.

After a few moments, Philip broke the quiet. "You know," he said, his voice soft, "I really missed this. Missed us."

His words caught me off guard, and I felt a warmth bloom in my chest. "I did too," I admitted, glancing down at the ground. "It's just... everything's been so complicated."