Selene sulked for over two weeks. She didn't answer her phone. She didn't watch TV. She didn't get online. Instead, Selene cleaned like a madwoman. She wanted to scrub her house clean of Aviva, if only to make her healing period easier. It hurt her to smell Aviva on her sheets and know the woman might never come back. That, in the end, drove her to workout. She exercised everyday, sometimes twice a day, until she was sweating puddles and on the verge of passing out. Only then did she shower.
To keep her mind fresh, after her workouts and shower, Selene spent the rest of the day watching the newborn kittens. There were four of them. She liked their orange and grey coloring. It was pretty. She never touched them, especially since Annie seemed to be a fabulous mother, but she'd coo at them and think up possible names for the little guys, or girls. Selene didn't know any of the kitten's genders, nor did she care to. The cats didn't seem to care, so why should she? The building was kept at a normal temperature, not too hot, so the kittens would be comfortable. It made Selene feel a million times better to take care of something and not have to worry about her troubles.
By the time three weeks passed, Selene felt confident. Her muscle mass had increased considerably and she liked the way she looked in the mirror. She also felt her mental state was no longer at risk. She was able to leave the house for groceries and supplies, and she caught up on her voicemails. Most of them were from Bobby, though three were from Darla and one was from Kelsey. The first thing Selene did after refilling her pantry and refrigerator was call Bobby back. He answered on the first ring and didn't start with a greeting.
"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling for like a month. Are you okay?"
Selene hoisted herself up onto her kitchen counter and begun to peel an orange. "Yeah. I'm better."
"What happened?"
Selene stuffed an orange slice into her mouth. "I think Aviva and I broke up. I don't know. She told me not to call her."
Bobby hissed in sympathy. "Oh. Damn. I'm sorry. I'm guessing you told her the truth."
"Yeah. Immediately after we last talked, actually. Your fatherly scolding helped me along."
"You needed it."
"I know, I know." She stuffed another orange slice in her mouth. Juice ran down her chin, dripping onto her shirt. She kept eating, not caring that her words were probably obscured by the food in her mouth. "It was a freakin' train wreck, B. She started yelling and then I started yelling-"
"You started yelling?"
Selene blushed in embarrassment. "She poked around in all my things. She found something I didn't want her to find, something I didn't- don't- want anyone to find."
"What was it?"
"I said I don't want anyone to find it. That includes you, Bobby."
"Okay, okay. So you both did some terrible things. But, uh, you do realize yours was worse, right?"
"Believe me, I know."
Bobby was silent for a long time. "So. You're quitting?"
Selene sighed. Her orange was gone. She threw away the peels then sat back on the counter. She wanted to quit, but why should she? She would only quit if Aviva wanted her to. Now that Aviva was gone, what was the point? "I think... yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I don't have any other skills. Where else am I going to work?"
"You have plenty of skills. Besides, you have enough money to support yourself without a job for the rest of your life, remember?"
"I know. But then what? My job was the only reason I got out. Should I just be a hermit for the rest of my life?"
"You could start dating again."
"Bobby..." It was a warning.
"Sorry. Right. Forget I said that."
Selene groaned and rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't think I want to date ever again. I should never have even started."
"Come on, Seely. You can't think like that."
"Why not? I was happy before. I could go back to that."
Bobby grunted. "You can't honestly believe you were happier before you met Aviva."
"She messed me up, B."
"To be fair, you messed the whole thing up from day one."
"Don't remind me."
"You'll be fine. You're one of the strongest women I know. Hey. I gotta go. Plans with Darla."
Selene grunted in acknowledgment. "Gotcha. Bye." She hung up then dropped her phone on the counter carelessly. For a moment she simply sat and swung her legs, thinking about her future. What next? She could continue her job if Kelsey still wanted her. Now that Aviva was out of the picture Selene could work without feeling guilt. It had been months since she had sex, might as well do it with a stranger, she thought. No attachments. No obligations. And she made money from it.
Someone knocked on her front door. Selene jumped off the counter but didn't answer right away. There were only a few people who knew where she lived, and who would actually visit. It couldn't have been Bobby, he had plans with Darla. Selene doubted his plans were to come and visit her. Selene's heart pounded in her chest as she approached the front door. She held back a gasp as she saw who was at her door. Aviva was waiting outside. Her face was hard and she didn't seem in the mood to banter.
"Are you going to let me in?"
Selene moved out of the way, her mind reeling. She felt numb from suddenly seeing Aviva. She wanted to cheer, maybe cry in excitement, but she only stood awkwardly with her mouth bolted shut. She shut the door slowly then turned to Aviva.
"I praise you for not calling me," Aviva said. There was no emotion in her voice. "I honestly thought you would. Huh. Well." Her eyes roamed over Selene's body. Her eyebrows shot up as she noticed how defined Selene looked, how muscular. It was undeniably sexy. She quickly schooled her face then cleared her throat. "I guess you've moved on- since you didn't contact me. What's her name?"
Selene was flabbergasted. "What? I've been held up in here since you left. As if I could move on."
"Sure. You've got money, looks, everything. You don't need me."
Selene kept her mouth shut. No, I don't need you. But I want you. I want you so much, so completely, you could be classified as a need. I'm dying slowly without you and you can't even see it. Not that I blame you. Selene bit her tongue to stop herself from shouting. She wanted to scream, but figured that would only make things worse. Aviva was clearly there for something and Selene didn't want to expose herself and scare Aviva away before the woman could do what she came to do.
Aviva sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Look, I'm only here because there have been some things eating at me and I want some answers." She didn't say those things eating at her had her in a rage and it was only now that she was levelheaded enough to ask them. "Honest, straight answers."
Selene swallowed, nodded dumbly, and waited.
"Good. Sit." Aviva waited until Selene was seated on the couch before she spoke again. She remained standing. "Did you ever even like me?"
Selene scooted to the edge of the couch and had to restrain herself to remain seated. "Yes! God, yes." She bit her tongue again before she could cry out.
Aviva's face didn't change. "Then how could you go out, have sex with numerous strangers, then come home to me and pretend like you were a saint? Pretend like nothing was the matter?"
Selene didn't have an answer to that.
"How could you lie to my face? How could you make me feel for you then destroy me like that? Did you even care how your lies would affect me?" Aviva's bottled up anger revealed itself, and she wasn't sure anymore that she was, in fact, levelheaded enough for this.
Selene lowered her head, ashamed. What have I done? "It ate me up inside."
"Yet you continued." Aviva didn't let Selene respond. She fired off more questions. "Was I not good enough for you? Was I not as sexy, as attractive, as your johns or clients or whatever the fuck you call them? Was it because I didn't pay you?"
That jab bit Selene deep. "It wasn't like that," she murmured to the carpets.
"Then tell me what it was like because I don't understand why you blatantly avoided any physical contact with me besides kissing." Aviva sounded bitter. "And I had to initiate it most- if not all- of the time."
Selene scrubbed her face, keeping her eyes to the floor. "I didn't want..."
"Didn't want what, Selene? Speak up."
"I didn't want to taint what we had, okay?" Selene finally looked up at Aviva with pleading eyes, begging her to understand. "You were so special to me. I loved every minute with you. The sex... if I had sex with you it would ruin everything. I mean... I don't know. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud."
Aviva gulped.
"I wanted to remain in this bubble we built," Selene went on. "This beautiful, beautiful world. If we had sex, well, it would bring the outside world in. It would bring my work in. I didn't want to shatter this place we built together. Kissing you, holding hands with you, sleeping with you, it was enough, you know? Those were the things I never had. You gave me the small things I stopped receiving at an early age." Selene smiled, a single tear sliding down her cheek. "But you know that. You know what happened to me."
Aviva nodded slowly and finally sat down. "So I was just a childhood fantasy? Nothing more?"
"No. No. You provided what I needed, yes, but that's not all." Selene turned, almost letting her knee touch Aviva's. "I really liked you. You're sweet, caring, and, hell, drop dead gorgeous. Wow, you're the whole package. I know how badly you wanted to have sex with me, and I wanted to give it to you, believe me. But- I don't know. It seemed wrong to be intimate with you. Not because I didn't want to, but because of my job, what I was doing behind your back."
Aviva remained silent for a moment. She was still mad, but it was receding. "I think I understand a little better."
The corner of Selene's lips rose. She wiped away what few tears had fallen then took a deep breath. She was happy that Aviva understood, even a little. The two women remained in comfortable silence for a long time. Aviva was the one that broke that silence.
"How are the kittens?"
Selene laughed. "Oh. Those guys. They're wobbling around. Drinking water now, eating solid food. Wet food. I can't stop them from going anywhere because, you know, no walls. They wander around freely. I'm sure one will come up to you anytime soon. I'm surprised you didn't trip over one coming in here."
Aviva finally smiled. It was warm. Then she frowned. "This doesn't mean I forgive you."
"I know." Selene understood that the kitten talk was only to calm the situation. She knew it was just an intermission.
Chewing on her bottom lip, Aviva was readying herself for the one question she was burning to ask. It was the one question that would decide whether or not she'd continue contact with Selene. After a long moment of steeling herself, she asked in a low tone, "Since we... separated, uh, have you been... working?"
Selene shook her head and was proud to say no.
Aviva let out a sigh of relief, not caring that Selene could hear. "Are you going to work?"
"I don't think so. I mean... I haven't given Kelsey a definitive answer." Selene shrugged. "I thought you weren't coming back."
"So, if we break up, or remain separated, or whatever, you're going to go back to work?"
Selene licked the inside of her cheek. More likely than not, that would be the case. "I don't know, maybe."
Aviva bit the corner of her bottom lip. "You would quit for me?"
"Well, yeah." Selene gave a half smile. "After all we've been through, now that everything's out in the open. I'd quit, if that's what you wanted. I don't need the job, but I need y-" She cut herself off and coughed, blushing furiously. "The job's not that important to me."
"I'm not saying i'm running back to you or anything," Aviva said, as seriously as she could, drawing out the words carefully, "but, uhm, don't start working anytime soon, okay?"
Selene couldn't hide her grin. She didn't mind that Aviva expected her to wait for an unknown amount of time. Truth be told, Selene would wait. She grew embarrassed as her grin wouldn't fade and Aviva started to giggle. Thankfully, one of the kittens emerged from under the couch and meowed fiercely, distracting Aviva. The little thing was a bundle of orange, black, and splotches of white with big, pale eyes. Aviva gasped and picked it up, cooing at it in delightful tones. She nuzzled it with her nose and pet it softly. It mewed and managed to get out of her grip and crawl up her shirt and onto her shoulders. It meowed loudly and, as if it were a call of war, the other kittens emerged and made their way to the living room.
"Oh, my god!" Aviva laughed as the three other kittens wobbled towards her and begun trying to climb her legs.
Selene chuckled and helped the kittens up onto the couch. They all looked similar in color, the same three colors coloring them all- orange, black, and white- though the patterns were different. One was more slightly orange, one was slightly more white, the other slightly more black. Selene was almost surprised that she could tell them apart despite them looking so close.
"Do they- ouch." Aviva pried a kitten off of her shoulder blade. She had two more on her lap. "Do they have names?"
Selene plucked one as it tried to scale the couch cushions. "No, not yet. I wasn't, uh, really occupied with naming them."
"Right." Aviva smiled thinly then pried all of the kittens off her and put them on the ground. They bumped into each other awkwardly then ran off, chasing after one another, fumbling under their own weight. Aviva watched them as they slid into the kitchen and one of them fell and ended up on its back. She sighed then refocused on Selene.
"Look," she said. "I think I should go. It was... nice, talking to you again. But- and don't take this the wrong way- but please don't call me. I don't think I'm ready to see your name lighting up my phone's screen yet. Don't visit me at work, don't visit me at home. That may seem like a lot but I feel you owe me the right to decide where I want this thing between us to go without your interference. I want things to continue how they've been for the last month."
Gulping, Selene nodded. She knew Aviva was right. After all of the lies and deceit, Aviva had every right to take the reins. Selene would remain submissive, abide by Aviva's rules, and try to win Aviva's trust back.
"You're right," Selene murmured. "You're totally right."
"Thank you." Aviva stood. "After I think some more, I'll call you, maybe."
Selene knew that was the best she was going to get, so she nodded then escorted Aviva to the door. Selene's heart dropped when she noticed that Aviva was driving her old, beat up car rather than the Camaro. Aviva didn't comment on it, so neither did Selene.
When Aviva drove off, Selene didn't feel too much better, but she was glad that she didn't feel worse. At least there was a chance for reconciliation with Aviva, and that was good. But if Selene wanted to do that there was one thing that she felt she needed to do first. Stepping over Annie and two of her offspring, Selene snatched up her phone and dialed Kelsey's number.
"Mm. Hello?" Kelsey sounded tired. That only heightened the sensual aspect of her voice.
"Hey, Kelsey. It's Selene."
Kelsey coughed and she seemed to move around. "Oh. Hello. I can guess why you're calling. Staying? Or leaving?"
"I think I'm going to be leaving."
"Hm." The sound of crinkling paper could be heard through the phone. "I understand. I'm sorry. About what happened, I mean. I know you've been off the radar for a while but if you wanted to know, that man was convicted. Bobby's testimony and pictures of you were enough."
"Good."
"Indeed." Kelsey hummed a soft tune to herself then smacked her lips. "Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Is the incident the only reason you're quitting?"
Selene grew defensive. "What would it matter?"
"It wouldn't. Okay. You're off the list. I'll take you off the site and the directory. If you decide you want to work again, give me a call. I can easily put you back up. You were one of the best, the most popular. I'm sad to lose you."
"I'll be sure to call if I change my mind."
"Good to hear. I'm certain you don't want to come back to headquarters so I'm going to ask you to give Bobby your alert button and any toys or outfits you borrowed. I'll call him myself. I'll schedule the pick up for tomorrow. Is that fine with you?"
"Perfect."
Kelsey sighed, or yawned. Selene couldn't tell. "I'm glad you're better. Bye."
"Bye." Selene threw her phone into her purse, then wondered on whether or not she should keep it. She wouldn't need it anymore since she quit. No work meant no work phone. Selene called her wireless service provider to shut off her work phone then laid down in bed. So many things were happening at once in Selene's life and so suddenly. Aviva had popped back into her life and she quit her job, all in the same day. Now what?
Essentially, thanks to her financial situation, Selene had all the options in the world. She could work a part time job just to have somewhere to go during the day and to keep herself occupied. She didn't need the money. She could go back to school and get a degree, learn something she always wanted to. She could find a real career instead of just a job. That surely would take up a lot of her time. Then, of course, there was always the option of doing nothing productive. She could travel the world or simply remain at home. Selene couldn't decide right then, not when her mind was somewhere else. Things were too muddled.
To shut off her mind, Selene took a hot shower then went to bed for the night. The kittens couldn't get up onto the bed yet but Selene could hear them running around just beneath her as she fell asleep.
