When I woke up I felt so sick. I felt like the room had been spinning faster and faster with each blink. I scanned my room and seen how everything was thrown everywhere. I forced myself to sit up that's when everything hit me. I got broken up with after 6 years. I went from the bed to the floor. I seen all the empty liquor bottles and the ashes of what seemed like cigarettes. I was falling into unhealthy habits. I reeked horribly but I didn't have the motivation to shower, my stomach was turning but I had no urgency to eat. My apartment was a mess but I had no will to clean. I felt so hopeless. I somehow managed to force myself into the shower. I stood there hoping to feel better. I felt the hot water splash against my skin at a fast rate almost stung. While scrubbing my body I thought my I was just overreacting 6 years gone pfft. After another 15 minutes in the shower I got out and stood in the mirror. In the same bathroom she stood in. My stomach felt like it was knotting up. I combed my hair back and brushed my teeth. I didn't even bother drying off I put my boxer on over my wet body and walked out. The least I did was pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper and pick up the trash off the floor. When I made my way downstairs I threw my self on the couch and opened the app the rots my brain also called instagram. I scrolled and watched stories from last night, I was a fucking wreck. My phone started buzzing in my hand. It was the gaming group chat it's was me and my 3 best friends. Anthony, Dashawn and Aj. They were asking me to get on the mic so I did. I sat in the chair and barely spoke.
Aj: Yoo Wsp bro how you been
Anthony: yeah bro we couldn't find you last night after you started bugging over ole girl.
Dashawn: I promise you there's a million girls out there, don't let one kill you.
All I could say was mhm. As there chatter got louder I felt like I was in a trance.
Aj: listen I know it was 6 years but think about this. She never touched you. Which means someone else was touching her.
Anthony: he's got a point, 6 years no ass how did you do it?
Dashawn: come on guys there's more to a girl than just sex, maybe?
Hearing them all laugh at Dashawn response sent me over. Bro not everything is about humping something but of course y'all would know that. Y'all have no idea what it's like to be in a serious relationship or wanna commit to someone.
Aj: exactly why we don't have these issues.
They laughed again. I felt my blood get hot. Why was I being taunted.
Anthony: bro it's okay she's for the team, ask Dashawn.
The line got quiet, what you mean ask Dashawn.
Dashawn: damn bro you just gotta open that big ass pot hole of yours huh?
I felt betrayed. What did you do Dashawn?
Dashawn: your girl well your ex wanted something real something worth crying over . So she came and fucked on a real nigga what can I say?
I disconnected from the call and Hurd my phone going off like crazy. I flipped it over on the desk. It made sense now. I sat still in the chair staring at me and this girls conversations, how she lied straight to my face how I was so blinded I didn't see the obvious signs. I had no sex drive, no desire, I ain't want nothing to do with women or anyone at the moment. I had to fix my shit. I started by bagging up all the garbage in my apartment. Once that was done and it took it outside I went to bagging the dirty clothes and preparing to wash them. Then I grabbed a broom and swept, mopped, dusted. Until my apartment was back to normal. I tried to eat something but clearly it was too soon for that. When I flipped my phone over everyone and there momma was trying to get in contact with me but I rather be left alone after the bullshit my own best friends pulled. I sat down in front of my tv and turned on sponge bob, I lit a pre roll I had and started smoking it as I deactivated all my social media platforms and was contemplating disconnecting my number. I didn't get it why was this happening to me. I could only imagine what this experience was gonna do to me.
