The Jumping Frog

It was last Saturday evening. I had just arrived home after a long day of work. I detest Saturday work, especially Saturday work that is so dreadfully boring. Rest assured I would no longer be updating client contact information, and if Martin had any objections then he will receive more than half of my mind about how much of a pathetic, squirrely little man he is, and upon any further objection, I will use his head as a toilet scrubber. Anyway, my phone began to ring. It was Dalton. I answered.

"Hello Dalton"

"Hey man, come out with us tonight."

I didn't need convincing. Certainly, I could use a drink and a bite to eat. Nothing worked up an appetite as much as updating client contact information all day, and nothing worked up a great thirst as much as Martin.

"Okay" I said. "Where to"?

"Well we heard there's a new place. Just opened. It's supposed to be a fun time. We'll pick you up soon." Dalton answered.

Dalton wasn't much of a conversationalist and I dread speaking on the phone.

"See you soon"

I ended the call.

I undressed, went to the bathroom and washed my face, put on fresh deodorant, and got dressed into my going out clothes. A few moments later I received a text from Dalton. It read "we r outside". Dalton doesn't like texting in full words. This makes me irrationally upset, but I decide not to address it, it will no doubt lead to a longer argument in which I had zero interest in. I only wanted to eat and possibly drink myself stupid, a state of mind in which Dalton existed interminably.

I sat in the backseat of the Buick behind the driver, which was Carl. Dalton was beside me in the back and in the passenger seat was Debra. I liked Debra best out of the group but still found her somewhat tiresome, and doubted her tastes as she had dated Dalton for some time. The relationship had ended amicably and she continued on as a member of our quartet. In some regards I'm glad that her and Dalton had been a couple as it keeps Carl from hitting on her too much. Carl is absolutely cringeworthy in all matters of romance and we try our best as a group to keep him in line. He's harmless of course, just very embarrassing.

We arrived at the establishment called "The Jumping Frog" at approximately 9:35 PM. I, of course, immediately began inquiring about the ridiculous name. Debra and Carl agreed that the name was likely in relation to dancing and music, suggesting that the place was "jumping". Dalton suggested that it was because they served frog legs. I have already informed you that Dalton is stupid, but I will amend my previous statement to read "Dalton is incredibly stupid". If this establishment does in fact serve frog legs it would not be surprising or related to the title of the business. If, in fact, the entire place were named after the idea that it serves frog legs, then this place would be known as a specialty establishment that focuses primarily on frog legs. This is not the case, as it is known that this place is one of drinking and partying. Not frog legs. Not specifically. Dalton is incredibly stupid.

I decided that while I could not fully agree with Debra and Carl, that I would not let the name alter my perception of the place, and I rather enjoy frogs anyway. Occasionally, I will go sit at the pond to relax and meditate, and while I'm there my favorite creatures are the turtles and frogs. The geese and ducks can be intolerable and the fish are boring.

As we entered the establishment I took note of how busy the place was. There were several booths lining two adjacent walls and all were occupied. Luckily we were able to locate four stools at the bar. I immediately ordered a whiskey and soda and it was delivered to me promptly. This was a decent start. Over the course of the next hour I sipped down two and a half whiskeys and soda before deciding I wanted something to eat. I called for the bartender who would also be serving as our waiter. His name was Carl. Dalton found it hilarious that the bartender had the same name as our dear friend Carl. Carl the Bartender chuckled politely while the rest of us groaned to ourselves.