𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 - 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱɪx

Makenna

ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴᴛʀᴀ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ꜱᴇᴇᴍꜱ ᴛᴏ ɢʀᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴜᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴜᴅᴇʀ every second I sit perched on the end of my bed, watching the clock on my nightstand tick.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I so can not do this.

It isn't ballet that's the problem. It's the environment. It's the stress ballet as a sport puts on my body.

It's the fact that there are girls at that studio who I get the feeling know things about me that no one else knows. Stuff that no one needs to know.

Stuff like that when I was five years old, I was raped and abused by none other than my stepbrother, Mark Allen.

Now of course, I didn't realize that that was what was happening at the time. I didn't even know what rape was until I was around twelve.

It sickens me to even think about the fact I let it happen without a clue for so long.

I was utterly helpless.

Hearing Gerard finally pull up to the house, I grab my dance bag and slip on my Uggs before walking downstairs.

"Oh, hi honey! I didn't realize you were home already!" Mam says as I walk into the kitchen to grab my water. Mam wipes her hands on a dish towel as she walks up to me and kisses my cheek.

"Sorry, I was taking a nap." I mutter as I place the bottle into my bag.

"Did you eat anything?" Mam asks while turning back to the stove to stir the cabbage.

"Yeah, I had an apple," I lie through my teeth, my stomach churning unpleasantly at the thought of eating anything.

"Kenna! You ready?" Ger throws open the door and yells into the house.

"Be there in a sec!" I shout.

"Okay, sweetie. I'll leave some leftovers in the fridge for when you get back. Hope you have fun tonight!" Mam smiles at me before pausing and grabbing my shoulders. "Oh! And don't forget, don't let anything those girls say to you knock you down. You are stronger, and an amazing dancer. Do what you love and don't let them stop you. Love you honey." Mam kisses my forehead and pushes me to the door.

"Thanks Mam, love you too."

I walk out the door and into the rain, quickly running towards Gerard's car. Throwing open the passenger side door, I pause to see Johnny, Gerards best friend, sitting in my spot.

"Oh," I say. Of course.

"Sorry, Makenna. Do you mind sitting in the back?" Gerard asks.

"No, it's okay Gibs, I can move. We're dropping her off first anyways," Johnny unbuckles and moves to get out.

"Are you sure, lad? She can sit in the back," Ger shoots me a look and I squint my eyes at him.

"No, it's grand." Johnny gets out of the car and stands next to me in the rain. "Go ahead, princess."

I can't stop the blush that spreads on my cheeks, looking up to meet the dark blue eyes of the giant before me. I don't think I ever really noticed Johnny's height before this. Gosh, a lot has changed in the past few years since I had talked to him.

"Are you sure? I don't mind all that much," I stutter.

"No, of course not. I don't care at all." Johnny smiles and moves to the back. I stand in the rain, cold and soaked, for a second before hopping into the warmth of the car.

"Dammit, Kenna. You just had to get the seats all wet. Right after I cleaned her, too!" I flush in embarrassment.

"Sorry," I mumble as Gerard backs out of the driveway. Resting my burning forehead against the cool glass, I start to feel the nerves kicking in.

I fumble with the strap of my bag and see Gerard give me a look in my peripheral vision.

"What?" I shoot him a look and scowl.

"Sorry. Nervous?" He asks. I sigh and look away.

"A little," I mumble, aware of Johnny intently listening in to our conversation in the middle seat of the back.

"It's okay to be nervous after a break like you had, you know. I get it, injury can build a mental block into your brain. It happens to the best of athletes. But you'll be just fine. I know it."

I stay quiet as I soak in his pep talk. If only he knew injury wasn't the real reason I quit.

☼☼☼

After what seems like an eternity, we pull up to my dance studio. My hands shake with nervousness as I fumble with the door handle, shouting thanks to my brother.

"Good luck!" I hear him say as I slam the door shut. It stopped raining. The clouds still loomed over darkly like a sign of my doom, yet I spot a rainbow amidst it all, like a beacon of light in the darkness. Maybe it was a sign, who knows.

Turning towards the building, I grip the straps on my bag tightly and take a deep breath before walking inside.

Right as I walk in, a piercing scream greets me.

"Oh. My God! Am I hallucinating, or is that Makenna Gibson that I see?" Bridget Jones, my best ballet friend since the age of three, squeals as she sprints up to me and grabs me in a bear hug, spinning me around. I force a laugh and smile, my heart slightly warmed up at the sight of an old friend.

"Bridget, I've missed you."

"Oh, I bet! I have so much to catch you up on," She starts yapping as I slip off my Uggs and start to tie my pointe shoes, going through motions I have gone through almost everyday in the past six months I quit, yet this time they feel so much more foreign.

I glance up to meet the eyes of Madame Bryne, the same teacher I have had since I was a toddler. She gives me one of her rare smiles and winks at me.

"Good to have you back, Miss Makenna."

I smile and give her a small curtsey, one hand on my tulle skirt. "It's good to be back, Madame Bryne."

A couple other girls including some of my closest friends, like Charlie, say hi to me or hug me.

Finally, my eyes land on her. The whole reasons for my quitting. The reasons for my eating disorder. The reason every time I look at myself in a mirror, I decide I'm not enough.

I'll never be enough.

None other than Ellie Connor.

Of course, the most basic name for the most basic girl. She was the closest I've ever gotten to having an enemy.

And of course, in classic mean girl fashion, she had her hoard of two minions whispering about, assumingly me, as they stare and mock in the corner of the studio with their hands on their hips menacingly.

I roll my eyes as Madame Bryne calls everyone to stretch at the bars.

I so got this.

☼☼☼

authors note.

i beg of everyone to ignore my spelling and grammar mistakes :(

i decided it was finally time to updateee

also my birthday is next thursday hehehe

i have more chapters but im so lazy to edit help :/

anywaysss love you guys <3

xoxo

wavey