Through the Lens of You | Billie Eilish fanfic

Chapter 11: See you at the bitter end

The days that followed that kiss felt like a tightrope walk, balanced between exhilaration and uncertainty. Billie and I had crossed a line, but in the aftermath, she seemed distant, like a ghost lingering just out of reach. I could feel the weight of her absence, a vacuum where our laughter and shared moments used to be.

Each concert brought the thrill of performance, yet without our moments after every concert, the excitement felt hollow. I was immersed in my photography project, capturing the essence of life on tour, but each click of the shutter only served as a reminder of what was missing. The backstage hustle, the fans' exuberance, even the vibrant lights—everything felt muted without the connection we'd shared.

I tried to shake off the feeling of loss, convincing myself that perhaps Billie just needed time to process everything. She was a whirlwind of talent and emotions, navigating the complexities of fame while trying to find her own ground. I respected that, but the silence was heavy, and I found myself longing too much for the spark we'd shared in the green room.

Like every evening, right after yet another electrifying show, I stood backstage, reviewing the photos I'd taken that night. The joy of the fans and the adrenaline of the performance filled the frames, yet every image of Billie on the little camera screen was a slightly hurtful reminder of that kiss—the way she felt against me, the warmth of her hand in mine, the way her eyes sparkled with untold stories. I couldn't shake the memory, and it gnawed at me.

Days passed, and finally, the phone rang, interrupting my reverie. It was a gig calling me back to Chicago. They needed me for an upcoming project at the theatre. I hesitated for a moment, the thought of leaving felt bittersweet, but maybe this was the space Billie needed.

As I hung up, I made my decision. I would give her time to breathe. I quickly typed a message on my phone, my heart racing as I poured out my thoughts:

Me: 'Hey Billie, I'm heading back to Chicago for a bit. I miss you. I just want you to know that I regret letting my feelings get in the way of what we built together. I've never felt this way with anyone else.'

Once I hit send, a rush of nerves washed over me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was stepping into the unknown, yet I hoped this distance might allow her to sort through whatever was weighing on her heart.

With my suitcase packed and my camera hanging at my side, I took a deep breath, scanning the memories from the last months in my head. I had discovered so much about myself in this new vibrant environment—the thrill of the concerts, the camaraderie with the crew, and the connection I'd formed with everyone. Leaving felt like more than just saying goodbye; it was stepping away from a part of myself I had come to embrace. As I made my way to the airport, my heart was heavy with sadness for the life I was leaving behind, and the uncertainty of what lay ahead.

Just as I pulled into the airport departure zone, my phone buzzed. It was Drew calling. "Hey, I just wanted to check-in. Billie asked me if you were still around," he said, his voice bright but tinged with concern. "I'll miss having you around. I hope you have a great time with the new job, though." 

I appreciated his words, but they only deepened the ache in my chest. "Thanks, Drew. I'll miss it here too," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, even as I felt a wave of emotions crash over me.