The Man Who Lost His Soul

Chapter IV - Hazel Laverne, before - Part II.

Initial notes: Hi hi Hunters!

This is the second and final part of Hazel's "before", and I hope with all my heart that it's not tiring.

TRIGGER WARNING – This chapter touches on sensitive topics and has a sad scene that is very graphic.

Happy reading ♥

It wasn't my idea the cocktail of things that twist neurons inside
But without them, I'd die
They say there's irony in the music, it's a tragedy, I
See nothing Greek in it –Fingertips, Lana Del Rey.

I was in my tower weaving nightmares
Twisting all my smiles into snarls
They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware
What happens if it becomes who you are?

So they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst
And tried to tell the town
So they set my life in flames, I regret to say
Do you believe me now? – Cassandra, Taylor Swift.

Hazel Laverne's point of view,

Christmas Week, Laverne Mansion, Manhattan, 2001.

-Before-

Antonella Laverne stands still for a few seconds, her green irises completely shocked.

I'm so nervous I feel like throwing up.

—What did you say you are, Hazel?! – She repeats, her eyebrows raised as her bony hands loosen a scarf that is around her neck, as if she is running out of air.

—Pregnant, grandma. – I look down, embarrassed. I feel like crying, but I don't want to do it in front of her. I've only known her for three months, and even though she's all I have now, closeness is something only time can provide.

I expect a lecture, screams, or even a slap. I spent my life not knowing what to expect from my father when I spoke the truth, so I always expect a violent reaction when something honest comes out of my mouth.

She doesn't do any of that. She leaves me alone for a few minutes, in her office. I spend a while walking in circles, feeling my spine freeze as thoughts run over me.

What will happen now?

After a while, she returns, opening the huge doors with an obstinate look and an notebook in her hands.

—I know the best doctors in Manhattan, and I'm going to fix everything, okay? Let's fix this mistake, and it will be like it never happened, Hazel. You don't have to worry about anything, I...

—N-no, you don't...you don't understand... – I start to stutter when I understand what she's suggesting – I thank you, Antonella. I really know you want to help me. But I want to keep it. I don't want an abortion, grandma.

My voice is shaky, because even though I'm terrified of being pregnant at eighteen, I made the decision to keep the baby the moment I took the pregnancy test for the first time.

It's my decision, and mine alone.

Antonella gives a bitter laugh as she leans on the armchair next to me, holding her notebook in her hands and dragging her high heels on the floor.

-You're not thinking clearly, Hazel. This baby will ruin your life and will dirty our name, do you understand that? No college, no future! – She starts to get loud, and that makes me take a step back – You can't follow in your mother's footsteps, Hazel!

—I ruined my mother's life, is that what you mean?! – I feel deeply hurt when I ask her this, and she lets out a long sigh.

—That's not what I meant, nina. – She tries to impose some affection by saying the word "nina", which is what she has called me since we met, it means "girl" in Italian, and although her intentions are to create a bond with me...I feel a harsh coldness in the word every time she says it. It feels forced, every time – I'm really sorry! I mean your father and his depraved lifestyle, and how she chose to stay with him even with all the red flags! Amélie made many mistakes throughout her life, and this unfortunately resulted in her death... – Her voice wavers as she says this. For a moment, she takes a deep breath and looks out the window, holding back tears – Because of the stupid decisions she made, all that was left of my daughter to bury her was a handful of ashes!