Alright so first off I do in fact have a love life as surprising as it may be, and if I do say so myself it's quite interesting. I've had six relationships, and I was the one who asked them all out. Shocking, I know. I will say that a few were online and others in person, I found neither is better. Aside from this I will explain things in as little detail I can while also keeping key parts in!
Kaden
Kaden was the first. Which might be concerning considering I was only 11. But the reality was that I got together with someone online because I was struggling and when I spoke to him after meeting in a game.. I liked him. I was young and stupid and probably shouldn't have been playing a game with 0 filter, one that I now deleted because I realized the danger it brought. The point is I liked this guy, he seemed to like me back and said he was 12. It made things easier until his parents found out and made him cut the relationship short because I was Californian. To this day I haven't spoken to him.
Ivan
Ivan was my second, this was around when I went back to middle school. I was 12. When I was abusive. This is the relationship where I was really abusive. Ivan himself was an amazing boyfriend. He was sweet, understanding, forgiving I could go on. But I wasn't, at least not at the time. I probably made his life a living hell, I gave him a scar (I believe), I would endlessly tease him to where it was probably bullying, and I'll say it straight up! I probably cheated on him because my dumb ass thought I was polyamorous, even if I told him about it, even if I asked him if it was okay, it was not. And I regret it. I haven't been able to apologize sincerely yet. But I will. Because even if I won't be able to make it up, he deserves the sorry.
Dylan
Dylan was just some guy I got with for a short time, I don't even remember what happened, we acted more like friends than partners. But eventually we broke up and we didn't speak again. I don't know what but I feel I maybe did something wrong, so I'm sorry to him too.
Natalie
Natalie.. if I had to say one relationship that I actually miss it would be the one with her. Natalie might have been the main reason I changed. To me she was, well, perfect. She was an amazing artist, sweet, she liked affection but never tried to push it, she was shy, smart, but she was also a manipulator. I don't think it was on purpose, I think she might have been in the same situation as me where life was so bad she didn't realize what she was doing. But when I started getting close with someone online she was jealous, probably worried I'd leave her. But the reason I did leave her was when she acted as if she would take her life on Christmas Eve. I was sent videos of her cutting herself and concerning texts saying she was going to end it. All I know is that I was terrified more than I ever have been to the point I had my mother call hers and then I just.. blocked her. I didn't speak to her for weeks, but as time went on I started missing her and would slip notes in her backpack. This caused her mom to talk to mine again and we met up. When we met up the mothers were sitting with us... and she wouldn't even say a word. She would write on an iPad and make her mother read it to me. They both called me manipulative, despite the fact I was the one who gave Natalie my lunch when she was hungry, despite me walking her to class every day, despite me trying to get her therapy, despite all of this and more I was the one being called manipulative. It was laughable but it also hurt. Hurt that someone I loved so much and tried to be better for thought I was trying to manipulate them. We never spoke again, especially not after what I saw her write about me online..
Sky
Sky? Sky was the replacement. It was me seeking comfort after what I'd gone through. They liked me and I liked how they treated me. Turns out they were even worse, when I started getting better they stopped putting on a mask. They tried and sometimes won in peer pressuring me to sext with them (no images were sent I'm not that stupid), they were narcissistic, said they'd die if I left them, lied about being polyamorous which means they openly cheated on me without my permission. There's worse things that were done but for now I won't speak of them.
Akar
Alright this one is kind of complicated- so bear with me here. I had an online friend that I considered one of my best friends. They went by Eclipse online. Eclipse had multiple different people in their head- one of them was Akar. They explained it to me and my thought was that they had DID. They said thats not what it was. I dropped it. Eventually though when I found out about Akar and how he was upsetting Eclipse, me being protective I got mad. A feud started between us, but as time went on he started changing. Don't ask me why- I'm not sure. My best guess is that he got tired of my pestering. Long story short it was the typical enemies to lovers. Compared to my previous relationships? It was the best. The nicknames he used didn't upset me, he'd comfort me without saying I was wrong, he'd listen to me talking nonstop. But- he was almost never in 'control' and would rarely ask for it. Control means whoever was speaking, which 'person' usually it was Eclipse. As time went on Eclipse made literal insane lies and stuck to them 'the ghost of hitler is talking to me' do you *honestly* think I'd believe that? Well I didn't and when Akar also played along with it of course I left and blocked them because I'd had enough of lies like that. Now that I think about it, they may have been schizophrenic.
Name Age when dating Online or IRL How long it lasted
Kaden 11 Online 2-3 months (estimate)
Ivan 12 IRL 6 months (estimate)
Dylan 12 IRL A few weeks
Natalie 12 IRL One year
Sky 13 Online One year
Akar 14 Online One year
YOU ARE READING
Autobiography
Non-FictionAnyway if you know me well, or think you know me well, this is my confession on multiple things. I feel guilty walking around when I know things I've done in the past may bring to light what kind of person I used to be. And you deserve the option to...
