Shifters Pen

18

I sat with my clan of skinwalkers this morning. The elders were all concerned. I knew they'd been there a while, and most hadn't made any progress. Che was in the third level test, but had been there a while. Rumor was that no skinwalker had left. Ever.
  Che tapped the table. “You did a great job as a bird yesterday.”
  I smiled. He was trying to ease into this conversation. “It was fantastic.”
  Jerry smiled sadly, “I wish you could try it with a breeze.”
  I gripped his hand, “I will Jerry.”
  Sylvester bowed his head, “But what if you can't? What if the skinwalkers are like the vampires? What if we can't?”
  They truly believed that they would never leave. I wrapped my arms around the ones I could reach. “I was told something by Joe Branson, before he left. He said I was only as evil as I believed I was. I think that's true for everyone, everywhere. I know, for a fact that all of you can pass the first test.”
  Jerry shook his head. “I have been taking that for years, and nothing has changed.” The others nodded their agreement.
  “Have you filled in the written portion?” I asked.
  Sylvester shrugged, “What is there to write?”
  I shrugged, “Try just summing up your week. Just try it. I don't think any of you are evil, not completely.”
  Che's head dropped a bit, “You don't know what I have done.”
  I smiled at my mentor. “No, but I do know what you have done. You took a white lady under your tutelage, and you are teaching her to control her powers. While she is pregnant, no less.” I chuckled, “The warden told me there was a constant tropical storm up above lately.” They laughed at that. “But you also came to my defense against someone badmouthing me. You helped heal me. In my eyes you are not evil. You just need to see it in yourselves.”
  “But you have no idea the things we have done to be put here,” Che said.
  I shrugged. “I know what the guy who turned me into a skinwalker did. I know what my mate did. I know what Harold did. I know what a lot of guys have done. The guys who shared with me, and needed my help, my opinion. I have heard all sorts of stuff. If any of you ever want to share I will listen with an open mind, and I will not judge you. You are my clan.”
  Sylvester muttered, “Even if it involves murder?”
  “Yeah. I can deal with it. Not unless you are ready to tell me, but if you ever are I am here.”
  Che swallowed, “What if you are like us? What if you can't make it out of here?” He was looking pointedly at my belly.
  “Then there will be another member of the skinwalker clan inside Shifters Pen. But something tells me Elea and Thetis wouldn’t stand for a baby to stay here.”
  Che asked, “What is Elea the Goddess of anyway? Thetis is that Goddess of justice you see blindfolded with scales. Hades, well he’s Hades. What is Elea?”
  I shook my head, “I don’t know, but she seems a lot kinder than Hades. So, you guys promise me you will try?” They nodded, still unsure in their older eyes that they were worth even the second level test.

  It was another meeting, and I hated these things. Especially lately. They were trying to shove me out before I left. I looked around at everyone. We got past the report. Very few werewolves had died because they didn’t make it to their cells on time. Everyone was worried about Shifters Pen being shut down, and everyone being slaughtered. Yes, I was hoping to be gone within 6 months, but Kevin was here, and others who were friends, my pack.
  Jordan said, “As much as I detest all the vampires, and wouldn’t mind seeing them dead and gone from here, I don’t want to see the prison shut down.”
  I nodded, “I agree with you, and that is why I would like all werewolves who have a vampire for a cellmate to give them any assistance they can in passing any tests they can.”
  Levi frowned, “We are gonna help them cheat their way out of here?”
  Lucy spoke, “Oh, don’t worry about that. The paperwork is just like the homework part. The true test comes when the parole board visits. I agree with Alpha Luke though that any help we can offer we should. It would be in our best interests. I have offered the same to my skinwalker clan.”
  Jordan smiled a bit, “So, rumor has it you are showing.”
  She blushed a little and smoothed the fabric over her abdomen. “Just a teeny bit.”
  Levi smiled, watching her, “That’s something. My-” Then he stopped himself suddenly. A wall went up and he was all business again. Did Levi have a family? He squared his shoulders. “We got off topic. I call for a vote on helping the vampires.”
  Lucy was curious, but said nothing. The vote went through swiftly, even though everyone there knew no one would want to talk to a vampire. It was in the packs best interest, so it would be done.
  As we were dismissing I asked Tommy T. to take Lucy to our cell, and Levi to stay behind. He was guarded, “Yes, Alpha?”
  “I know that our lives outside of this place belong only to us, but I am just curious. Are you a father?” I could use some advice. Any advice. There weren’t exactly books on how to be an alpha and good mate.
  He released a deep breath, “It’s very painful to discuss, but yes. My mate and I had twin girls and a boy. Happy years. Enjoy this time Luke.” He turned and left.
  That was not what I was expecting, or the answers I wanted. I had so many questions, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. He was still new here, and was adapting to having lost his family. When I came here I lost my pack and Ella. He lost his pack, his mate, and three children. Fuck, that would hurt.
  I would only be able to enjoy these years with Lucy and our child if I made it out of here. I didn’t know how to tell Lucy this, but I couldn’t write these letters of apology around her. She was distracting, and made the entire process that much harder. I sat on the floor in the laundry room and worked on my composition. It was scratched out in half a dozen places. There were things I couldn’t say in my letter to the family of Thomas and Mike McCain. I couldn’t reveal that I was a werewolf. I couldn’t reveal that I had killed him. Them.  If I did then I would be running from the human police after being released from here, and I had served time. I didn’t want to serve more. Not when I had so much to live for now.

To the family of Thomas and Mike McCain:

  I want to offer my most sincere of condolences for their passing. It isn’t enough. I was there that night. I saw it all happen. I was a stupid, young, man at the time. Twenty years old, and I got it into my head that maybe Thomas had something to do with the disappearance of my father. They had been friends. Someone said the last place my dad was seen, after my mothers funeral, was under the weeping willow she chose as a gift for your family. I could not comprehend why my father would leave me, us. I figured Thomas had said something, or knew something. That he was holding out on us. I never meant for it to go as far as it did. Everyone was supposed to be gone on a vacation. I gathered a handful of friends, intending to scare him, and get some answers. We tied him to the willow tree. Wolves came out of the night. I had no weapon. I could only watch as the wolves tore into Thomas. Then the door opened and Mike, God he was so brave. He shot one of the wolves before another attacked him. Thomas and Mike were both killed. I was terrified that I would go to jail. Well, I did, and it has not been good. I have left Ella with more questions and loneliness, and I have left you without two members of your family. I will never know what happened to my father. I didn’t want to leave you in the same place I have been. You deserve to know what happened that night, and why. Why Thomas was tied to a tree. Why Mike went outside. Why no one was ever caught and given a proper trial. I was arrested, and sent to a special prison without a normal trial. It’s been 14 years, and I have nightmares every night. I can’t apologize enough for my actions that evening. I have ruined your life. Sorry doesn’t cut it. I am not asking your forgiveness. I can’t even forgive myself. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to try and offer you some closure. I will never darken your door again. I am up for parole, and it might happen, and might not happen. If there are questions I can answer for you, just to give closure on the evening, please send a letter to Ella, my sister. I will write you back when I can. If I get out I will be very busy trying to get my life in order somewhere that doesn’t remind me of horrible days.

  I read, and reread my letter. I couldn’t think what else to add. What I could add. Did it make sense? It felt like it needed refinement, especially around the jail thing. I would sit on it for a bit. Tomorrow I would start my letter to Ella.