KIKI:SUPER-CAT
By: Svea M. Beson
This is a little thing I wrote for my kitties... oh how I wish they could read.
SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1To Whom It May Concern: TC \l1 "
My name is Kiki. I was born a male cat. I own two humans, both female; their names are Amanda and Dawn. They named me Kiki even though I am not a female and they make me wear a bright pink collar - I think they want me to turn into a girlie kitty and that just isn't going to happen any time soon!
The one named Amanda says my collar is not really pink, that its fuchsia - like there's any difference. It's still not a Tom Cat color. I go out at night and the alley cats laugh at me and then they call me 'pretty kitty' and try to touch my boy parts. It really peeves me. How am I supposed to get a date looking like the neighborhood transvestite?
The one named Dawn, she's the sadist of the two, she gets up every single day and tosses me outside for fresh air. Or so she says. Really, it's so I can start my day off with a good smattering of ridicule.
I was trying to find a lawyer so I could sue over this 'name' thingy but there don't seem to be any pet lawyers in the yellow pages. And yes I checked. I am very dexterous with these paws. One day I left the phone book open on the floor, that's when the pink collar showed up - an obvious intimidation tactic. I gave up on the lawsuit soon after. I don't want to end up prancing about town in a frilly Hawaiian print dress!
These days I'm laying low - don't want to irritate the humans because we both know they have all the power. I use my kitty litter like clockwork, eat all my yummy, dry, barely edible food and let them massage me twice a day - each.
Amanda came home today with a special house for me to sleep in while we travel. I think they are finally getting the picture and realizing what a superior being I am and how lucky they are to have me. It appears they want to reward me by taking me on a vacation or something. Just now I heard Amanda telling Dawn we were going to the 'etvay,' to get me, 'ixedfay.' I don't quite know what it is but I am sure it's something rugged and manly to make up for the pink collar and the girlie name. I can't wait.
Wish me luck,
KIKI: SUPER-CAT
