Alyssa 12/16/2021
"Okay show me your hand" Mari said I took my hands out my pockets and she rubbed them. "What are you doing?" I laughed. "I'm just trying to get them back to being warm" I watched her blow on my hands and rubbed them rapidly. "It smells good in here" I said and she looked at me. "Oh yeah, I made some hot chocolate" Mari got up and went to the kitchen. "You're such a gentleman" I say as I get up also. She shrugged and walked over to me. She handed me the cup and I saw a little heart made from marshmallows.
"Let's go to my room, I don't want my mom to come in and ask why the floor is wet with snow" I nod and Mari took me up to her room. "You know it wouldn't be a bad thing if tonight you didn't talk to Adam" she suggested and I got this feeling in my stomach. "I guess, I'll tell him I'm here though just in case" I said and Mari huffed a bit. I could tell it bothered her but I don't know why. Every time I talk about my boyfriend she gets kinda bitchy.
I call Adam and he answers with a "What's up?" What a way to greet your girlfriend. "Um... I'm at Mari's house tonight so if I don't answer it's because we're gonna have a girl time" I say and he hummed then hung up. "What's his problem?" Mari asked and I shrugged. "Yeah uh I don't know" I said she sat on the bed and looked me up and down. "You know I actually never kissed him" I said she looked at me surprised. "Why not?" Mari asked and I sighed.
"I'm scared and it never ever feels like we get the right time" I explained she looked down. "Maybe you wanna practice.." she said and I looked at her while I put my mug on her desk. "Um.. maybe that's gonna help me" I said and Mari nod slowly. "Yeah so would you wanna practice with me?" She asked and I nod gently. I sat next to her and we were face to face.
A couple seconds after staring at each other she pulled my face close to her. I kissed her softly and she did the same. But it didn't stop. I kinda didn't want it to stop. She was actually really good at kissing. But when both of us ran out of breath we pulled away. "Okay... that was actually really good" I said she smiled a little. "Yeah? Maybe we should try one more time..." she said but I already began kissing her.
This was the moment I knew I really wasn't into Adam. Or maybe anyone else but her. She pulled me on her lap and we kinda made out.
•••
Mari 12/20/21
Alyssa said she would tell Adam today that she didn't want to be with him. I told her this was the last day or I'll tell him. She's scared but I don't want her to force herself to like a boy that she doesn't feel anything for. It getting close to winter break and I don't want him to be in the way of my plans. Alyssa walked up to Adam in the hallway and I was standing at my locker trying not to seem nosy.
When she came back she sighed and looked down. "What happened?" I asked she looked up at me and she kinda looked happy. "I think he took it well but now that I did that, I don't have to worry so much about cheating and stuff" I nod and she looked around then kissed my cheek. "We should go to class" I nod and she held my hand while walking. She looked happy like she wasn't even scared.
I know there's not many gay people here because we like in a smaller town but people are gonna have to get used to it. I didn't know that I liked Alyssa until she met Adam. I realized how jealous I was getting and I started to wanna do couple things with her like they did. But I didn't know how awkward their relationship was until we kissed that day.
That's when I knew that she wasn't even that interested in him. There were little signs like sometimes I could tell she wanted a little more from him. He didn't give the same energy as her. She's a very loving and funny person and he's kinda boring. Like he's the type of dude you show your parents they would be okay with him because they know how boring he is.
Alyssa isn't boring she's really far from that and I was confused on why she picked him. Maybe because she was trying to hide that she liked girls. Or maybe she was actually blind at the time. I thought we would end up both having boyfriends but I noticed how much I hated boys. Everything about them makes me sick.
I also started to dress really tomboyish and kinda stepped away from being super feminine. That was always Alyssa's thing she was always super girly and she loved makeup and that type of stuff. She always gave me fashion advice though I knew that I didn't want it but it was cute when she talked about it. I'm just hoping this doesn't ruin anything between us.
