Alyssa 3/5/2024
The worst feeling is thinking someone loved you and they promised you they wouldn't hurt you and then they end up doing it. When that one person makes you think that they could protect you and then they are the ones who hurt you. People say you have to take the good and the bad together but maybe the good wasn't never so good.
All of it was bad even when we laughed all of it was bad. Like why did I care so much for her and why did she tell me that I met something to her if she was gonna move on so easily. If I would've known this would've happened to me I wouldn't have been so naive. When someone use you because they're feeling lonely is the worse because they aren't even in love with you. They just needed company.
How does a birthday go from having tea parties with your best friend to sitting on the floor crying because no one actually cares about you. I think the last two years everything went downhill and I got really depressed. I used to be pretty and now I look so bad. Everything is bad.
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Mari 12/26/21
Today was our first date and I was so nervous to go out with Alyssa but she didn't seem nervous when I called her. She said to pick her up and I'm waiting outside for her right now. She ran out in a pretty red dress and black heels with a red cloak with white fur around it. She looked so pretty her hair was down perfectly waved.
"Hello!" She said with a smile and I grabbed her chin and kissed her. "You so good" I said she smiled and looked me up and down. "You look good as well" she said and I began to drive. Alyssa looked out the window and I turned on some music.
Tumblr girls by G-Eazy came on and I think it matched the vibe perfectly. We were going to this lake and it was gonna do outside dining and I had candles and all that fancy stuff.
Alyssa started humming and it made me smile at how cute she is. It does feel good to be open about our relationship. I think she doesn't care so much about hiding it. Sometimes I get worried about the judgement people show in school. There's definitely been weird stares but now we're on break so we don't need to feel guilty or bad about our relationship.
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Alyssa 5/23/23
"So you're telling me that you didn't just kiss her?!" I yelled and Mari laughed. "Bro You're literally hallucinating!"she yelled back and I walked out then slammed the door. It's so frustrating with her she's such a fucking liar. She always tries to say I'm acting crazy but I know what I see. I'm not a fucking dumbass.
Mari walked out and ran up to me she grabbed my arm. "Look she try to come on to me but I didn't want it and I told her that, I only want you" she said and I was so angry. She kissed me and I hesitated because I wanna believe her so bad but I don't know. I can't tell if she didn't want it or not.
"Fine... but if it happens again I'll actually kill you" I said and Mari nod and hummed. "Now let's go upstairs" she said while pulling my waist close to her. But something still didn't feel right but don't know what. I was still so confused. I wish stuff like this never happens but it does and it's making me unsure if I should still trust her. It's a very unsettling feeling.
When we got up to her room I looked at her and I guess this could be a way to take out my emotions. Mari kissed me against the wall and rubbed her hand up and down my body. She took off her shirt and then mine. While she was kissing my neck I stared off and I just felt weird.
"You okay?" She asked and I nod and hummed. I then jumped on her and wrapped my legs around her waist. She put me on her bed and went to work on me.
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Alyssa 3/6/24
I went out to the store and I knew I was gonna see Mari but I had to shop. She works there at the cashier and I didn't know if she was there today or not. While I was walking the whole town just looked at me. They all knew we were broken up. News travels so fast here.
A couple people asked me if I was okay and I nod and hummed then kept walking. When I walked in everyone stopped and stared and I rolled my eyes. "Mind your business!!" I heard from my left side. I looked at Mari and looked at me she. I moved on and grabbed the things I need.
When I went in line she looked at me a little and told me my total. "Thank you" I gave her a $20. "Here's the re-" "No just keep it" I said and she sighed. I walked out with my stuff and went straight to my house without talking to anyone. I don't like how nosey people are. I also don't like how she thinks we'll ever be cool.
