Path to Ataraxia

The Beginning

When I was a kid, I used to believe that I was a fairy. Or maybe a disney princess.

I believed that I could control the wind and that I could communicate with nature.

But as I grew up, I realised if I word it out loud, people would think that I am crazy. Because this is not normal. Normal people don't believe in all these. They believe that magic or miracles are just stupid. It's just a myth.

Hence I stopped communicating with the trees and wind. I had to be normal. Only then would I fit into society.

Oh how fool was I!

I was never fit in this society. There are several reasons. One: My birth mark on my face. People ask me about the mark even before they ask my name. The mark makes me look ugly in photos. I am photophobic. Since I am insecure about my mark and tired of the questions from the others, I decided to isolate myself from them.

Second: I am socially very awkward. Maybe that comes in handy with my insecurity. However the tremendous social anxiety I have developed makes my communication skills very poor and socially very awkward.

Third: Social interaction just drains my energy.

And many more reasons why I am not fitting into this society.

In the end, whether I believe in magic or not, I'm not going to fit in. Right?

Actually that's the reason why I am starting this journal.

I'm going to believe in magic. I believe that I can communicate with nature and wind; that I am a fairy (or maybe a witch). Yet I am going to fit in. I will be abnormal, I will be myself and people will accept me as who I am.

Ninety days.

Ninety days are all it takes to make small and simple habits, to be permanent.

And through ups and downs, I will make it happen somehow.