Kiss death

Chapter three

{Note at end}
(Takes place three days after the encounter with Chuuya)

Dazai was sitting on a stool, it was a familiar stool. One that contained fond memories of his old friends. Bar Lupin, it wasn't a very fancy place, but it didn't need that. All it needed was a few friends and some nice drinks. That's exactly what Dazai had when he was 18 and still an executive in the Mafia. Of course Dazai shouldn't have been drinking, it was so careless of him. But the young suicidal boy only had that as his outlet.

Dazai sipped from his cold liquor, feeling a strange sensation as soon as the liquid went and burned his throat. He was alone now, it wasn't all that lonely when he was in his apartment, but as soon as he stepped inside Bar Lupin he felt so cold.

He remembers it well, the first day Oda brought him to Bar Lupin and let him drink his cares away with him. It was silly of Oda, especially since the same man wouldn't light a cigarette around him.

Dazai and Oda met in a strange way, it was a warm morning and Oda was simply coming out from his house with a bag in hand, probably from his orphans. He barely gave any reaction to a bleeding child laying face down on his porch steps. It was Dazai, of course it was Dazai. After having a dispute with some stray dogs he had found some sense of calm on the steps of a stranger's house.

Dazai reacted with a pained huff when the man picked him up, he seemed so small at the time. Dazai was brought into the man's house and to his surprise, and disappointment, he was treated. The man changed his bandages and fixed his wounds up. Dazai was certain he was going to die and thanks to that man he didn't, even though in the moment Dazai was salty that he hadn't kissed death.

They became close friends, and Dazai soon learned that Oda was a low ranking Mafia member. Days passed and they would start meeting at Bar Lupin. Oda introduced Dazai to his friend Ango, Dazai was certain that Oda and Ango were secretly dating, even though that was proven false time and time again, even so it was a fun theory.

Dazai let out a saddened sigh, drinking more of his liquor. He felt the Alcohol start to slowly take effect. He missed them. After Ango's betrayal to the Mafia and Oda's death Dazai didn't know what to do with himself.

"Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it."

Dazai had said that to Ango the night he betrayed him. He had a feeling that their friendship wouldn't last.

He took another swig of his liquor, drinking his woes away. Dazai crossed his legs in a feminine way. He looked down, not surprised at all that he had made that a habit. He set his glass down and put his face in his hands. Ahh, the worries of his existence came crashing down on the man. He had no clue who he was, and what he would've been.

At the hospital he was born in he was assigned something that would change the course of his life, his gender. He hated everything about his body, adding to the massive pile of his envies. He was too feminine, everything about him. He remembers an interaction between him and a shopkeeper, who mistakenly took him for a woman. Dazai almost left that place in tears.

It was horrifying to not know who he was, was he really a woman? Or was he a man..perhaps nothing. Dazai did want to be nothing, a figment of imagination, something that could hardly be perceived. But to his dismay he was tangled and caught in the web of life.

He almost knocked his glass of liquor off of the bar countertop. He hit his fist on it instead, earning a look from the bartender. He started breathing heavily, he didn't like this at all. His thoughts always left him feeling emotions, and he loathed it.

"Dazai? Are you okay?" The bartender asked, growing slightly concerned for the man.

Dazai looked at him, fixing his face and plastering a grin on his lips, "Of course I am, I just had a slightly puzzling thought."

The man nodded, leaving the conversation to die. Dazai stood up from the bar, leaving his half empty glass on the table. 

He started walking for the restroom, opening the mens door with a hand and entering. To his luck no one was inside.

He leaned over the sink and looked at himself in the mirror, disgusting. His hair was chestnut brown, curled at the ends and was a good length to the top of his neck. His eyes were copper and turned an auburn in the light. Those were the two only good things he could spot on his own. Everything else was too feminine. Too freakish. He had thoughts of mutilating himself, getting rid of and chopping his body up into pieces.

Maybe death would kiss him then. Who was he kidding, Dazai wouldn't be kissed by death with or without this freakish body of his. He's tried before and he's only ever felt its light feathery touch.

He gripped the sides of the sink, feeling a burning sensation in his throat. He was certain that it was the alcohol betraying him and coming back up.

Before he made the attempt to get to the toilet he hacked up and vomited everything he drank prior to his thoughts. He had tears in his eyes from the pain. He coughed out the last remaining and saw blood. He took a shaky breath in.

"Oh..how lovely," He muttered quietly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He had just thrown up his liquor and an unsettling amount of blood.

Was death finally taking him by the hand? Or was he getting his hopes up. He wasn't very fond of pain, but of course death would take him in a painful way.

He slumped down on his hands and knees, his body was trembling. This was almost as bad as when the ginger plummets him with kicks. No, no this reminded him of bullets. Bullets from a sniper that tore through the skin of his back, and shot out quickly through his chest. Even his pathetic stance was the same, all he needed to complete the scene was a ushanka and a Russian terrorist who was sickeningly beautiful.

Perhaps the Russian was really death, taking him away by the collar of his trenchcoat. The death that he longed to kiss. No, that was a disgusting thought.

He shakingly started to lift himself back to his feet. He used the sink for support. He gazed into the sink and then turned the faucet on, washing his vomit down, vomit of additives and scarlet.

He was so disturbed to look at himself in the mirror that he couldn't bear it. He thought about putting his face under the faucet head, that would be painful.

Did he really want the Russian rat to be his death..perhaps. It would be entertaining and he would prefer that to the ginger that seemed determined to weevil himself into his life time and time again.

He took a deep breath, plastering a smile on his face just like always, it looked rotten now. He didn't think a human was even there, just a demon trying to fit into society.

He walked back out of the bathroom, giving a nod and a grin to the bartender, who had already taken his glass from the counter and washed it.

He was torn between staying and drinking more, but he'd probably just throw it all up again, especially if he was still thinking about horrid things. So he decided to leave, giving the bartender a small grin and a nod as he walked out of Bar Lupin. Odasaku was probably so disappointed in him.

{This one is a bit shorter then the other two but I want to do other things today so that's all. Istg gacha life reaction videos are my addiction and it can't be helped 🙁}

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