read between the lines

hurt/comfort post-168

This was going to cost her. She had somehow managed to convince Carmen to host her father on her couch for the night. Favours had been traded, both with her father and with Carmen to reach that rather awkward agreement. How Carmen had explained it to Tasio she still didn't understand. But in this moment, stored away in her father's room, the sheets beneath her smelling faintly of his cologne and with the body in her arms shaking as the silent tears kept on wetting the pillow beneath them, she knew that she would have paid with her soul. She needed this as much as she needed the breath in her lungs. So a few favours owed to loved ones was a small price to pay. And she was certain Marta needed this as much as she did, even though it had almost been impossible to even persuade her to set foot in Isidro's room, much less his bed. But Fina could be persuasive and when that failed, at least she was obstinate.

Marta had insisted she needed space. Maybe it had been a protective instinct. Maybe an instinct born out of self-preservation when overwhelmed at what life had thrown at her. But Fina also knew that for a very intelligent woman, Marta could also be surprisingly dumb. Pushing Fina away because she was afraid of she was falling into the footsteps of her family? Whatever logic Marta had found in that behaviour, it certainly made none in Fina's eyes. So, a good relationship was built on communication, on compromising and sometimes, in Fina's eyes, also on pure stubborn refusal of letting your partner be an idiot about things. Marta clearly felt like she was drowning in a sea of monsters and to a certain degree Fina understood her, but the more reason for Fina to not give her space. She wasn't going to let the woman she loved face them on her own. Marta needed to know she had someone in her corner, she needed a connection to the world that existed outside of this manor of dread and deception.

So here she was, hidden away in her father's room with Marta pressed against her chest. Much like their first night together Fina had her arms full of a shaking Marta, but this was different, whereas that night had filled her heart with gentleness and a burning bright kind of love, her feelings had now turned towards anger at the circumstances. Her rage also had a new target. Jesús was an asshole, she had known that since she was a small child. He was a mean boy who had grown into a cruel man. That he was a murderer on top came as no great surprise. It was like being told seahorses gave birth to live young, she could not verify it herself, but it seemed entirely plausible. So her dislike for him had always been there, but now - Joaquín. Her teeth ground together with such force she was surprised Marta didn't turn around in her embrace and asked her if the thunder was rolling. No, Joaquín had the gall to point a shotgun in Marta's face. When Marta had finally broken down and told the whole tale of what had gone down, Fina's emotions had gone from sadness to anger in the blink of one opened door. A good man did not point the barrel of a shotgun at an innocent bystander, no matter whose blood runs through her veins. He had gone from an abstract figure that flitted past in her peripheral to enemy number one. Sure it was an oversimplification and she focused her complex frustrations into one single vessel, she knew that deep down. And he was a victim in a lot of this as well, but being a victim didn't give you the right to turn victimiser. No, he was on her list. From having been another of the men with the same ties and the same shoes and the same attitude - same kind of men in charge of management at the factory, he'd turned into a danger to keep on her radar. Mostly because Marta, from what she could gather, held him in great respect, she cared deeply for her cousin and for him to then turn on her like that - that was a whole kind of hurt that Jesus' escalating behaviour couldn't really touch. Even though she knew Marta was stilled marred by the emotional scar of when he had used her sexuality against her with their father.

Fina placed her lips against the exposed skin of Marta's neck. A soft kiss she childishly wished could pull some of the hurt and fear out of the body in her arms. If only she could somehow carry some of the burden. She really would have if she could. Her arms tightened around Marta whose tears seemed to have finally stopped, or at least the silent shaking had.

"You shouldn't be here," Marta said, her voice quiet, hoarse from the crying, from the grief and the pain.

Fina kissed her neck again and released a non-committal hum into the bare skin.

"It isn't safe," she continued as she entwined her fingers with Fina's where they rested, pressed tightly against Marta's sternum, against her heartbeat.

In a way Fina understood her concern, being around this family clearly wasn't safe, but then again -

"I got stabbed at my place of work," Fina finally said, her voice gentle, but her words determined. "I found one of my best friend's after her suicide attempt, her lifeless body three feet from my own bed." Marta tried to turn over in the embrace, but Fina held her as she continued, "this country we live in is ruled by a man whose policies would see us in jail - erased". She kissed the soft skin beneath Marta's ear. "-left out of history," she released her hold and Marta turned around and looked at her with eyes the colour of an angry and restless ocean. "Where is safe?" She reached over and wiped some of the lingering tears off the tip of Marta's nose. "When is safe?"

Those stormy eyes watched her in silence. "I don't know."

Fina closed the distance between them and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "You don't have to know," she said, looking into her eyes. "Now, be quiet and sleep."

Marta continued to watch her in silence for a long stretch of time before she turned around again, allowing herself to once more be held by Fina. Before the objection came, Fina promised, "I'll wake you before sunrise so you can return to your own room. No one will know." She felt the struggle and the tension in Marta's body, but finally something seemed to settle over her and Fina felt her relax into her arms.

Yes, the world was unsafe and full of monsters, but the more reason to drink in the beauty and the love - with as much greed and as much joy as you could. No one knew what tomorrow would hold, but at least for a quiet moment in the dark of the night, the entire world consisted of the love they shared. And no monsters could touch that, or them.